Method Acting
by Wutif
Summary: Darren had convinced Chris to use Method Acting as the way to connect with his inner Blaine and make his portrayal more realistic. Chris knew he was in trouble because his feelings were turning into more than friendship.Spending time together as a gay couple would end in discovery, and heartbreak.
1. Chapter 1 Sunrise

Method Acting – Where you live in the role you're playing

A/N: This story starts near the end of Season Two. FYI: RIB is Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, the Producer/Writer team of Glee

_Is it better to be attracted to the package and then have to discover if you like its soul or to be attracted to a soul and hope you like the package? I like your soul and I like the package it's wrapped in…_

**Chapter 1 Before the Sunrise**

As he woke, his breath caught in his throat and an involuntary moan escaped. _Oh god… no._ He locked up all his muscles, waking to find he was balancing right on the edge of an orgasm. Involuntarily, his memory went back to the dream that had left him gasping and recalling the feel of his hips against the heaving body beneath him. _ohhhh_… The desperate control he was trying to hold loosened and with another moan, he lost it. As he came, the scent and the slick of the body he was thrusting into faded away and he was left alone in his bedroom with the gradual slowing of his heartbeat, his breath heaving, and a cooling sticky mess in his bed.

"Damn it", he growled in exasperation, his mouth creasing in distaste at the slippery mess in his bed.

The sun hadn't even come up yet but the light in the window had that thin pearly glow that meant it soon would. His clock said 5:18 am. Great. That meant he had gotten barely 5 hours of sleep…again. He felt drained and exhausted, which is not the best way to start another twelve or fourteen hour work day.

He could see the pale silvery light drifting across the beach with the mist rising from the water, through the drapes he'd left open to the sea breezes to let the room cool off overnight. The day's heat left in the sealed-up house the night before had made him forgo the boxers he usually wore to bed. He hated the mechanical hum of the air conditioning and seldom needed it here on the coast. Since he didn't have the option of pulling the covers up and staying in bed, he might as well collect his shattered equilibrium and clean up. He stripped the bed of the silver grey sheets and wiped down his hip and leg. The washer could run while he showered and then the sheets would dry while he drove into the city.

He wasn't due at the studio for another two hours, but it was going to be a full day, one of his last Dalton days. An unwilling smile turned up the corner of his expressive face as he realized that his early morning wake-up call meant that the day would have less pressure now than it might have.

As he brushed his teeth and shaved he was thinking about the reasons why his relationship with Darren was slowly evolving into something different. He had made it his personal rule that he not get involved romantically with the people he worked with. Unfortunately, that resulted in no romance at all, since his work days tended to be 12 or 14 hours or more. Personal appearances, meetings, commuting and chores took up whatever was left over.

Working with the playful and talented Dalton Warbler guys had been, on the one hand, fun and entertaining. They were great guys and he would miss them now that his character was returning to McKinley. On the other hand, they were always very physical, poking and fist bumping, and walking around with their arms over each other's shoulders while they practiced dance steps and sang snatches of songs with quite the 'bromance' going with each other. He wasn't sure if it was because he was the highly paid talent or because he was gay but they seemed to treat him with a little more distance. Darren bridged both worlds easily, everybody's best buddy. Even so, all that testosterone surrounding him tended to make his libido spike, especially around _him_.

Darren had been introduced to Glee and the world as Kurt's love interest and boyfriend Blaine, and he was a genuinely warm and sensitive human being with an intensity that permeated everything he did. They got along together well, with none of the weirdness that a straight guy playing a gay role might have generated. Darren had told him he had been raised in San Francisco, the gay capital of the States and that he was happy to portray a proud gay teen.

He also said he had worked with lots of gay actors and had always enjoyed working with them... as long as everybody stayed professional. Ok… message received, he's not personally interested in gay guys. Chris thought it wouldn't be a problem, since neither were the rest of the guys in the cast and they were all his buddies. He hadn't taken into consideration that Darren's role as Blaine put him in a totally different situation.

As time went by and Blaine's role developed from mentor, to flirt, to prospective boyfriend, he found himself increasingly attracted to Darren. They worked together more and more as the story arc with Kurt and Blaine progressed, especially when Kurt transferred to Dalton. Then they did the photo shoot for EW together and spent the whole day in teasing proximity, touching and holding each other in character as gay boyfriends Kurt and Blaine. It was exquisite torture. By the end of that day he could barely keep from launching himself at Darren.

On another day, he had fallen asleep in his trailer at lunch time and Darren came by to find out why Chris was keeping the 20 or so cast and crew waiting at about $5000.00 an hour, squatting down with his hand on his shoulder to wake him. Chris made a seamless transition from dreaming about kissing Darren to having his smiling face about 6 inches from his. He was leaning forward to make his dream a reality when Darren laughingly said, "Move your ass, sleeping beauty. Everybody is waiting for you_"_, and then punctuated it with a slap on his butt!

The day they shot the kiss scene he had built up such anticipation he damned near passed out when they finally did kiss. He had prepared himself for a sweet and innocent first kiss and sure as hell wasn't expecting the lip burner he got from Darren. Holy hell! The director actually asked Darren to dial it down for a couple takes, but Ryan loved the first one because he looked so…ravished. His tell-tale complexion turned bright red, never allowing him to hide his reactions. Darren was a little smug about being able to make Chris' whole body light up, no matter how he tried to be cool.

The camera crew teased him mercilessly about disappearing for half an hour at lunch break and at the end of the sixteen takes to the privacy of his trailer. He had no reasonable defense since he was doing exactly what they thought he was. Since that day, just being too close to Darren caused the same effect as half a day of kissing had.

It was Hollywood tradition, so they said, to fall in love with your co-star, but he really hoped he was just attracted to him and not falling in love with his straight friend. They shared the same cynical sense of humour and consuming interest in theater and music of all kinds. They could talk for days and never run out of stuff to talk about… as long as he sat more than a couple feet away from him. With so much in common he was finding it more and more difficult to maintain an emotional distance while having to _act_ like he was in love with Darren most of the time that they spent together.

But Chris knew very well whose hips he had been holding in that dream. You could police your conscious thoughts but not your dreams. He had to admit he was in lust, if not in love with Darren. But Chris was a far better actor than many people gave him credit for. He would die before he let anyone know how he really felt about him.

After his shower he dried his hair and realized it was getting too long again; time for a trim. He dressed for work in his usual comfort clothes, jeans, a snug gray tee shirt and a blue plaid button-down shirt over that, and hoped the day would go smoothly. He crammed the freshly washed sheets into the dryer and started it, grabbed a bottle of orange juice and toasted a bagel. He put some schmear on the bagel and grabbed his keys, phones and wallet and he was ready to drive back into the haze rising over the city.

He connected his IPhone to the car stereo and his blue Camaro cruised down the coastal highway into the city and toward the television studio that had changed his life so radically almost two years ago.


	2. Chapter 2 The Proposal

**Chapter 2 the Proposal**

Chris was over an hour early for his wardrobe fitting, so he thought he would take the opportunity to stop by the Hair and Makeup Department and get a trim. Lise had almost finished trimming off that little bit that made such a world of difference when Darren came in and sat in the next chair over from his. He looked scruffy, unshaven and tousled, absolutely irresistible, in other words.

"Hey, Colfer. It looks like we had the same plan".

"Hey, Darren. We're almost done here, I think. You here to get some trimmed off? Looks fine to me". _God, wouldn't I love to run my fingers through those curls._

"Yah. It's too hard to keep combed and gelled if it gets too long. You know, the Warbler look? Only a few more weeks and we'll be done shooting and then I can let it grow out a little bit_". Maybe I should ask him now. He's pretty hard to pin down._

"D'ya think? Don't forget about the tour, 'Blaine Warbler'. You're going along too, I just heard". _I hate when his hair is gelled down._

"Oh... yeah. Yah, you're right". _I hate that gelled down look. I look like a wiener_. "Chris, do you have a minute to talk? I wanted to ask you about something". _So here goes._

Chris got up from Lise's chair and switched spots with Darren. "Yeah sure. I've got another 30 or 40 minutes till I have to be at wardrobe. 'Sup? "

Darren sat down and Lise swung the cape over his shoulders and started pulling the curls out straight with her comb. It actually _was _pretty long when she did that. Snip, snip, snip. Chris watched the black semicircles of hair mix into the trimmings from his hair on the floor, resisting the impulse to pick one up.

"Did you read the Prom script yet, Chris"? _I sure hope he goes for this; he's pretty buttoned down._

"Yeah, I did. There's another kiss scene. Ryan said he might have to cut that, depending on the time, but he still wants to shoot it…and we dance together. _Sheesh, Ryan. Have a little mercy. _"But I'm not sure about the scene at the end. It doesn't feel right to me".

"Well, um…yeah. Let's have a look at it later. I gotta tell you, I'm having a little trouble getting my head totally into it.…Chris, have you ever used Method Acting, where you live in the role you're playing, and stay in it even when you're not shooting?"

"I haven't needed to yet, Darren. So far, Kurt pretty much _is_ my life, but with the volume turned up. I'm not stretching much, except for those occasional juicy dramatic scenes_"._ Chris' expressive mouth turned up at the corners, remembering some of those scenes. Now _that _was his idea of fun, even if he did end up crying in most of them.

"I don't think so, man. You don't get a Golden Globe for 'not stretching much'! We're not all as naturally talented as you are, though. I think I need a little help with Blaine. I was wondering if we could hang out together and we would stay in character as Blaine and Kurt for a while. We don't spend much time together when we're not shooting and I need to really feel the stuff RIB are writing for us, better than I am, you know? Like, um, behaving more like a gay couple would".

_Oh good god, now what do I say?_ "Um, I guess so… If you think that would help you. But you've been fine so far, so why do you wanna do this now?"

"Well I watched the Blackbird clip again and I'm not comfortable with how it turned out. Not you...you're amazing. But I just look stunned. I should look like I just discovered my soul mate, but I just look strange, 'cause I wasn't really feeling it". _I know he'll try to help me. _

Lise had swept off Darren's neck, rubbed a dollop of gel into her hands and run them through his newly trimmed curls. When she was done he looked like he had just gotten out of the shower…. or maybe bed…_ugh god! _"Um...ahh, yeah… I guess so... if you want. You could come over to my trailer after 10:30. I should be out of wardrobe by then. I'm going to go over lines until they call me to recording sometime after 11:00, and then I'm due on the set at 1:00. We can hang out until then and see how it goes". _What the hell am I doing here? This is nuts!_

"Thanks Chris. See you later then. I'm scheduled to be at voice recording with Adam until 11.00, but I'm usually out a little early. We'll see what we can fit in. Gotta run then. See you before 11.00 then". _Yesss!_

Darren leaned over and kissed Chris' cheek and gave him a quick hug and was gone before Chris reacted. He flushed red and stared at the door, speechless.

Lise let out a snort at the look on his face. He had forgotten about her while Darren talked. Chris looked at her, and before he could ask her to keep what she had heard to herself, she waved him away casually, smiling as she said "You know I don't tell what I hear to anybody, do I?"


	3. Chapter 3 A Taste of Heaven

**Chapter 3 A Taste of Heaven**

Chris bumped off the walls of his trailer like a bee in a bottle, unable to settle in one place. He kept switching the music from one thing to another, trying to find something to help him relax. Scissor Sisters, GaGa's Born This Way and then the Wicked soundtrack weren't working for him. He couldn't concentrate on his lines, though he usually had them locked down after reviewing the script two or three times. He sat down on his couch and then jumped up again and paced some more.

_Oh man, what the hell have I done? Like I don't obsess enough over the guy! Now I've agreed to us being alone in my trailer! He's going to want to get close, like couples do. _He stood for a moment picturing Darren doing just that and goose bumps ran up his belly and across his chest_. Ohmygod! I have to tell him I can't do this. He'll understand._

Chris jumped as the trailer door banged open, and Darren hopped up the steps with his usual energy. "Hey, Chris. I got out of the recording studio early. They were having some kinda trouble with the equipment so I'm gonna go back after lunch. We can hang out starting now. How are the lines going"?

Darren went up to Chris' left side, put his arm around his waist and looked past his shoulder to see where he was in the script. _Hey, this is easy, it feels so natural._

Chris sidled away to his right and leaned on the kitchen counter and said, "I guess they're fine. I can go over them again just before we shoot anyway". _Geeze, my mind goes blank every time he touches me._

Darren followed Chris to the kitchen, passed in front of him and opened the fridge. _Why is Chris avoiding me? What's wrong? I thought he was down with this._

"You got anything but Diet Coke in here, man? That stuff will kill ya_"_.

"Sure. There's water, OJ and cranberry juice in there".

Darren grabbed a bottle of water and stood across from Chris and looked at him steadily for a minute. Chris avoided his eyes and looked down at the script. _He knows I'm freaked_.

"Why are you so skittish? I thought we were going to act like a couple; I meant a couple in _love_, man, not an old married couple". He laughed but kept up the scrutiny.

"I'm not sure about this, Darren. It makes me kinda uncomfortable_". Kinda! I am so freaking out here._

"No kidding! That, I can tell. Really, what is it? Sorry if I'm grossing you out. It's pretty warm out there already and the AC in my rental car isn't working very well. Be honest, man. _Please don't change your mind, Chris._

"Actually, it is you, but it's not…" _Actually, you smell amazing._ "It's, um…I'm kind of …attracted to you. That's why I back off whenever you come too close. I didn't want you to think … I'm sorry, but I think it's probably not a good idea to do this if we want to keep things professional". _Maybe he'll understand now. I couldn't be any clearer._

"I'm not seeing a problem here, Chris. I _want_ you to be attracted to me so you can teach me what it's like. That's the whole point, man. So can we kinda consider this professional development, for Blaine and Kurt? Relax, would ya!" _If I can just get him to try it, it'll be ok, I know it. It's just like that kiss scene we did, the first one was the hardest._

Darren slowly walked up close and wrapped his arms carefully under Chris'. His face was only inches away and his left leg stood between Chris'. Gradually, he pulled closer until their bodies were against each other. He could see the pulse in Chris' neck speed up. He stood quietly, just holding him, until Chris finally raised his arms and put them just as carefully around Darren. Chris was repeating his internal mantra desperately,_ Its Blaine and Kurt. It's just Blaine and Kurt…_ They stood that way for a couple minutes until Darren asked. "You ok"?

"Yeah,.. I guess. Are you sure you're ok with this? You said when we met you wanted to keep it professional. I can't help the way I react to you, Darren_._ The day we did that kiss scene… I was about ready to burst into flames any minute. You did a hell of job with Blaine that day, man."

"That was different. If I close my eyes there's no difference if I kiss you or a girl. I can fake it. But there's gonna be more to Kurt and Blaine's relationship than one kiss and I don't want to just fake that. It's important to me to do this right. Chris, I've worked with gay guys my whole professional life. I've even been propositioned by a few. But I've never met anyone that I would feel comfortable doing this with before you. Whether it's Blaine or Darren, the fact is, one of us needs to know more about what it feels like to be gay, if I'm going to make it believable."

"Remember, you once said that the longer you play Kurt, the more you find he's infiltrating your life? You sit like him. You gesture like him. You even laugh like him sometimes. It's character bleed, right? Well I need Blaine to infiltrate me…and the only way to do that is to spend more time with you as Blaine. And to actually experience what it's like being gay, that will involve us getting up-close and personal." Darren turned his face to touch his lips to Chris' neck and spoke softly against his skin in the crease under his chin. "You know, if you wanted… we could even…explore… the up-close and personal stuff even further, maybe in your bed?".

Darren's hands were moving in small circles up and down Chris' back, causing tectonic shifts in Chris' temporary comfort level. He turned his head again to check out Chris' reaction to his latest proposal. Damn it. He looked freaked again. He hoped he hadn't pushed him too far.

_OH MY GOD! Did he just say that? _"Darren…are you asking me to make out with you? You're not punkin' me, are you? 'Cause that would _not_ be funny".

"Yeah, I think that's exactly what I'm asking and no, I'm not punkin' you. Don't get so freaked out, it's just like when we kissed, right"?

Darren looked up through those amazing eyelashes at him with his golden brown eyes and smiled sweetly at him as if the universe didn't just tip over.

_This is not for real! _"Are you looking for a blow job or something_"_?Chris asked, with suspicion in his voice.

"No, that's not…". Darren said with hurt in his voice. "I can get that from girls, and I have. I guess I've had a fair amount of experience with sex. But right now I'm looking for something I've never had before, a close romantic and sexual relationship with the only guy I'd consider doing this with...and that's you! I want it to feel real. It would be really good for my portrayal of Blaine. And it would be….interesting. Something new, for me at least. I've kinda wondered what it would be like to…maybe take a trip on the other side. I've gotten to know you better since I've been playing Blaine and we did that kiss scene, and I've thought about it even more lately. Would you be ok with being friends with benefits"?

Chris stood frozen in shock. Darren turned his head away, caught his teeth in his lower lip, and then looked back at Chris. It was now or never. He had to convince him he was serious. They still stood just inches away from each other, with Chris' extra inch in height making up for his leaning on the counter. He moved closer with their eyes still locked, let his lips just touch Chris' top lip and pulled on it just slightly and then let it go. Then, he did the same with his bottom lip. He put both his lips on Chris', closed his eyes and just went for it. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he actually did what he had thought about for so long. Maybe because he had spent a whole day kissing Chris, it didn't feel strange at all. Chris held out for maybe two seconds until he finally tightened his arms and kissed him back. It still felt like he was holding back, though.

After a moment or two, Darren broke the contact with his lips and gently nuzzled across Chris' chin. It _was_ a just little weird, feeling that little bit of stubble. Chris inhaled sharply and shuddered as Darren's hands ran up his back. He continued across to his neck and gently nibbled and nuzzled until he was just below his ear in the crook of his neck, kissing and letting his tongue taste the skin near the faint scar on his neck. _Man, he tasted awesome. _He smiled inwardly at paraphrasing Rachel's phrase in BIOTA_._

Darren reluctantly stopped what he was doing and pulled back a little to see Chris' face again. His eyes were closed and his hands clutched Darren's sweater like he was afraid he would fall, his body stiff against the counter. His breathing was uneven and his pulse was throbbing again.

Darren's legs were still on either side of Chris' and there was definitely evidence that they were both getting hot. He leaned his hard-on against Chris' leg and said "Does that feel like I'm punkin you? " He could feel Chris' dick against his thigh, too. He backed away then, to lean on the other side of the kitchen aisle. They locked eyes again for a moment until Chris broke his away. That told Darren that Chris still had reservations.

"I think you need a little time to think about it. I did kinda drop it on you without warning. I just want you to know that even if you decide you don't want to go ahead with this, I'm cool with that too. I just really hoped we could give it a chance. I think it would be good for Kurt and Blaine".

He turned, flashed a smile back at Chris and went out the door, banging it closed as usual.

_Oh my god. What the hell am I going to do?_ His body was still sizzling as he remembered the feel of Darren's body against his and his mouth gently working its way down his neck. _Oh god, I want him so bad, and he wants…me, but in a pretend romance, as a friend with benefits. Are you willing to settle for that? Settle! Huh. Like you have any chance at anything else! He's not gay, so it shouldn't get messy, if you can keep it on just a physical level. This is the __**only**__ way you are ever gonna have him, and maybe you can get past this stupid obsession with him. And it might even help him connect with Blaine, a friend in need right? Sure. Get real man, you're the one who's needy here._


	4. Chapter 4 Go or No

**Chapter 4 Go or No**

His phone tweetled with the Fat Bottom Girls tone meaning it was Ashley texting. When he checked, it said. "U home, Boo? Up 4 a visit"?

He replied "Plz come right over. Need to talk".

Within five minutes Ashley tapped on the door, and without waiting for a reply, came in.

"Hey Boo. What's up? It sounded urgent. "

"Yeah Ash, I'm freakin' here! I need to ask for your opinion about something. "

"Sure. Do it, get it, try it, whatever".

"What? "

"Yes. Whatever it is, the answer is yes. "

"Ashley, this is serious. You don't even know what I was talking about."

"I know that, Babe. But few people ever succeeded by saying 'Gee, I wish I hadn't tried that.' So whatever it is, go for it. "

"Thank you _so_ much for that nugget of wisdom! Do you want to hear about this or not"? He snapped at her.

Ashley just sat where she was on the couch and looked at him with her eyes narrowed. Within 30 seconds he shook off his snit and apologized for being a bitch; then she apologized for being flippant.

"Ok then, tell me what's up and I shall dispense wisdom as requested. "

"Well… I've had this rule that Ryan suggested when I first came here to work. It's 'Don't get romantically involved with the people you work with.'"

He looked up at Ashley from fiddling with his phone, and her eyebrows had gone way up. _Yup, she got it in one._

"Oh wowza, you mean you got an offer to hook up"?

"Yeah, you could say that. A _really_ tempting offer".

"From who?…Who is it? One of the Warbler guys? I didn't know that any of them were gay". She had met the Warbler guys briefly when they did the Sectionals and Breadstix scenes.

"Yeah, he's one of the Warblers. There's no reason you would know about him, and I'd rather we kept this anonymous, for now". _He _is_ a Warbler._

"Ok. Whatever. So do you want to? Do him, I mean"?

"Ashley, this is more than a random fuck. We _work_ together. That's the part that scares me. What if I get into this and it goes wrong? It would be seriously awkward, working with somebody you've slept with, who you're bitter about".

"Honey, _you_ are the talent around here. If it goes wrong just tell RIB what's up and they'll get rid of him. You know they'll do almost anything you ask. You da 'golden boy'. "

"I am not! Besides, I can't just get the guy fired 'cause we don't like each other anymore". _Ok, they might do some stuff for me, but not that. _"That would be wrong. Those guys are talented too and they're not interchangeable. They've got their own fans and they would demand to know what happened. That's the other thing. It has to be kept quiet. Can you imagine the media storm if the press got hold of it? An affair between two gay Glee cast members? Neither of us would want to deal with it if it got out. "

"Ok… So far I'm hearing all the reasons _not_ to go ahead and get some shugah. Now tell Mama why you're still considering it".

Chris sat and looked up at Ashley. Then one side of his mouth curled and one eyebrow went up.

Ashley laughed and said. "Honey, you can say more with one eyebrow than most people can say in a page of dialog. He lights your candles, does he"?

"Oh god yeah, he does. Big-time! "

"Do you like him? I mean as a friend. Like, can you talk about stuff you have in common, besides Glee and the Warblers? Cause the Warblers may not be around next season very long. You know RIB were spoiling that Blaine might come to McKinley next year and they won't need the Warblers then. But there's no reason you couldn't still see each other if there's more than that to the relationship".

"Yeah, we've never had any problem talking endlessly, at least if he's more than a couple feet away from me. My brain tends to turn into goo if he's any closer than that".

"Hah! Really? I can't picture you with a gooey brain... Ok, here are my words of wisdom coming at you; listen and obey. Go for it babe, but be careful. Cause a very smart man said it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Get on that pony and ride it! Wait…. that came out wrong. I didn't mean you, specifically, should ride him…It's up to you who…oh shit, never mind".

It took a lot to make Ashley blush but that did it.

Chris burst out laughing, warming Ashley's heart, and he almost rolled off the couch laughing at her trying to backpedal.

They sat and talked for a while and then she helped him read lines until lunch time, when they left together to go to the commissary. As they walked down the path around the studio Glee was created in, Ashley looked sideways at him and said. "You knew what I would say before you asked me, didn't you"?

"Yeah, I guess I did. Maybe I just wanted somebody to tell me I wasn't crazy to consider doing this. "

"So you've decided you're gonna go ahead and boink this guy? Or get boinked? Whatever…I don't know and I don't wanna know!... Good for you. How long has it been since you got any, Boo"?

"Too damned long is all you need to know, but I think I might change that pretty soon…Then we have to work on getting you some, Ashley", he teased.

Ashley laughed along with Chris, thinking 'fat chance', literally. The only guy she cared about was into other guys, and weighed about half what she did. _That's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes, so get over it, girl. _

Ashley went off to her wardrobe fitting after lunch. She loved trying on clothes. She wondered how they found all the neat stuff that she couldn't find on her own.

Chris was headed toward the Glee set when he met Darren outside. Chris said "Hi" first.

Darren grinned at him and said "You must have made a decision. You don't look like a deer caught in the headlights anymore".

"Yeah, I did. Where and when would you like to get together, Blaine"? He said as a slow smile grew on his face.

Darren did one of his signature spiral twist contraction things that nobody else could pull off and fist pumped the air. "Yesss!"

Chris laughed and said, "You're staying at the Wiltshire, aren't you? That's way too public. We have to make sure this doesn't get into the media. Can you picture it? It gives me the shakes just thinking about it. That was probably my biggest objection to going ahead once I figured out you really meant this. We have to do the secret agent thing, and nobody knows about it, ok"?

"For sure Chris; I don't want it getting public either, but even if it does we'll just say we're using method acting". He shrugged like it was no big deal. "I would still like to stay in Blaine's character while we're here at the studio, though. Are you alright with that"?

"I think I'd rather just keep it on our own time, for now. There are too many people here who would post stuff on YouTube or Twitter or whatever, and then it won't matter _what_ we say. So how about dinnertomorrow night at my place? I don't have anything scheduled after that 'till Sunday afternoon at 4:00. What does your weekend look like"?

"I don't have much planned. I was just going to do some reading and work on some music. And… I thought I might go to a club that Luke and Brock are playing at on Saturday night, but that's it till Monday".

"Ok. Pack a bag. You can stay for the weekend if you want. You can follow my car home or I can drive you there and drop you off again whenever you're ready. I've got to go now; I don't want to be late. See ya later".

Chris glanced around surreptitiously, decided it was all clear, and then swooped in and landed right on target on Darren's mouth and left him a little something to remember him by. Then he breezed away, strutting very much like Kurt might have. Darren watched him go, and shook his head at how complex this guy was. He was looking forward to getting to know him better. A lot better.


	5. Chapter 5 Beach House

**Chapter 5 Beach House**

Chris picked Darren up around the corner from a coffee shop he frequented around 6:30 on Friday evening. It must be the San Francisco thing; it was the home of Starbucks 'cause they were all coffee addicts. Darren did _not_ need more caffeine. Chris could only drink coffee with lots of sugar and cream, but it smelled wonderful and it was gradually growing on him.

They talked all the way out thru the city and on up the coastal highway. Traffic, for once, wasn't too bad and nobody had pulled an idiot move and driven into the back of somebody else. Darren had plugged in his IPhone and the mystical soft tones of Freelance Whales, Darren's brother's band, played in the background. As they rounded the point and the ocean came into view, Darren leaned his seat back a little, took off his shoes, crossed one leg under him and wrapped his arms around his other knee.

He said. "I can see why you like it out here. If feels as if you've unloaded all that stress when you leave the city. You can really breathe". He felt as if he was leaving Darren's world behind and entering Blaine and Kurt's. He liked Kurt a lot and Chris even more.

Chris replied, "Yeah, I do love it out here. It's worth the drive. When I lived in the city, the Kurtsies stalked me everywhere I went, but out here I can just relax." Chris looked over at Darren, relaxed and receptive and thought_, Ok, here we go. It's time for 'the talk'. _

"…Darren…there's one other thing we haven't talked about yet and it's a big part of being gay, I think. I wanted to tell you how I see Kurt and Blaine's relationship and how that affects you and I…If you grew up in San Francisco you must be familiar with the terms 'top and bottom', right?"

Darren nodded, thinking he knew where this was going if they were going to sleep together. "Yeah I think so, it's who's givin' it and who's gettin' it when you have sex, right?"

"Well yeah, it is but it's actually more than that. I think most people assume that since Kurt has some feminine traits that he would be the bottom in a relationship between Blaine and him. People use those terms about when they have sex, and they're also used to describe their relationship."

"We've tried to get across that Kurt has been getting more self-assured and confident this year and I think he's shown more inner strength than Blaine has, too. Blaine has more…superficial confidence I guess…but, I think in the long run, he has less courage than Kurt, since he's hiding at Dalton where it's safe in his gilded cage. And Kurt is going back to McKinley 'cause he hates being in that gilded cage and losing his individuality."

"So you think Blaine is the bottom and Kurt is the top in their relationship?" Darren asked thoughtfully, taking Chris' lessons on being gay very seriously.

"Actually, Ryan and I have talked about this and yeah, we both want to show that Kurt isn't automatically a bottom just 'cause he has the more feminine traits. Blaine might be the one that comes across as more masculine, but that doesn't necessarily define how they relate to each other. Ryan and his partner are like that too, and that's why Ryan writes Kurt like this. I haven't met _anybody_ who rocks being in charge more than Ryan and he's the more effeminate one in their partnership."

"So how do you see me? You know, if you and I were a couple…would I be the top or the bottom?"

"Do you want me to be honest…or tell you what you want to hear?" Chris looked over to Darren and gave him a rueful look with one side of his mouth curled up into a half smile.

Darren looked at him incredulously. "Are you saying that you think I would be the bottom in a relationship between you and I, just like Kurt and Blaine? Why? What would make you say that?" He tried his best not to sound wounded, but he didn't really succeed.

"Darren, think about it! You're _asking_ me. I _know_ who would be top 'cause that's the way I relate to a partner, although I don't have to be in charge about everything. Remember 'Defying Gravity'? 'I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game'? That's Kurt_ and _me. It's something I've had to learn about myself in the last couple of years and it's one of the things you have to work out when you meet somebody new and begin a relationship. It's whoever is the more… assertive, I guess, between the two of you. And it might be different in your next relationship. I think almost every relationship, whether it's straight or gay has a top and a bottom. You know how in some couples the wife is the boss? Well that makes her a top".

"You're a talented and accomplished actor and singer, but down deep you don't like conflict or making those tough decisions. You prefer to lead by committee, isn't that right? There's nothing wrong with being a bottom, but it's something you should be aware of about yourself. Do you think you've been a top or a bottom in your previous relationships?"

Darren looked out his window and considered Chris' point. He had never thought of it that way before but it explained a lot about some of his relationships that had gone bad. He knew of two of his girlfriends who were probably bottoms and if he was one too, it's no wonder it didn't work out with them; they were looking for a top. The woman he had loved the longest and strongest was a top to him, he thought, but she had wanted someone who was an even stronger top to make _her _a bottom. Hmmm.

He looked at Chris again as he surveyed the winding highway he was driving down and he had to agree that Chris was definitely more goal-oriented and driven than he was.Darren knew himself as more of a live-and-let-live kind of guy, a hippy at heart._ Ok, yeah, I guess you're right. You're the top and I'm the bottom._

"I think I see what you mean. It explains why some of my previous relationships bombed, maybe. I guess you're right about us too; between the two of us you are the top and I'm the bottom. Huh!" He shook his head at this revelation about himself, looking wryly at Chris.

Chris grinned at him and said, "Alright, now that we have that out of the way, you need to know that if you're really serious about wanting to experience gay sex, you have to top _and_ bottom before you can say you've tried it. Is that copasetic with you?" He quirked an eyebrow and waited for Darren to process that.

"Um, well I gotta say I thought it would be me topping you, just cause…well, that's what I pictured, but yeah, I guess I'd want to try both." He admitted diffidently to Chris, who nodded back satisfied and looked back to the road. _Well, that went better than I thought it might. He really does want to know what it's like to be gay. _Chris smiled to himself.

Darren sat quietly, looking out the window at the scenery going by and realized he had just agreed to be fucked...by Chris!… tonight!…. Nnngya! He noticed he had crossed his legs in unconscious defense and laughed silently at his male ego. Well, Chris was right about that too, he conceded. If he really did want to know what it was like to be gay and sleep with a guy, that was part of the deal. _Just go with it Darren,_ he told himself. _You're _going to have to trust him.

"So what do you usually prefer? When you um…" Darren wasn't sure why he wanted to know, since they were both going to top and bottom.

"I'm what they call versatile, Darren. I'll go with whatever comes up." Chris grinned back at him.

Darren rolled his eyes at the cheesy pun but nodded, unsurprised by Chris' answer. He could have almost guessed that was the case.

They passed huge mansions and small bungalows side by side as they drove along the Malibu coast. After 20 minutes on the coastal highway, they slowed and pulled into the courtyard of an unassuming driftwood-grey bungalow with a grey tiled roof. Chris paused in the courtyard while he pressed a button on the ceiling of the car and the grey-blue garage door rose slowly. They drove in and the door dropped again. They gathered themselves and their stuff and entered a foyer that held a closet directly ahead so they left their shoes there. To the right was an open door to a laundry area and the powder room was on the left of the closet.

A glass French door to the left opened into the kitchen area. It looked sleek and functional with cherry cabinetry, granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. There was a skylight lighting the counter with a couple of bar stools pulled up to it. Next to it was the dining area with an incongruous portrait of Marie Antoinette looking back at him. Beyond, in the dim light, he could see a couple of couches, at right angles to each other and facing the 60 inch flat screen hung on the wall. There was the Golden Globe too, on the stand below that held hundreds of DVD's, CD's and games. Blinds blocked the light of the windows that filled the back wall of the room.

Chris dropped his keys, phones and wallet on the counter and turned to Darren.

"Come on in. I'll give you the 10 cent tour".

They passed through the kitchen and Darren noticed a door opposite the dining area. Inside he saw wall units holding tons of books crowded by awards, photos, and goofy stuffed animals that were mostly llamas, and a dark wood desk covered with piles of papers and a lap top.

"This is the second bedroom, but I use it mostly as an office. It has a wall bed if somebody stays over… In between is the bathroom. That's shared by both bedrooms. And this is the master, here. You can put your bag in here if you want".

Chris sounded calm to his own ears but he was shaking inside with the thought of what he hoped would happen in that bedroom. No one had any idea how much acting he really did in his daily life.

Darren saw a dimly lit room with the bed taking centre stage. There was a door near the entry that he saw led to the bathroom and another door on the far side of the bedroom wall that must be the closet. The bed faced toward the ocean wall that featured a huge window draped in textured blinds that blocked out the light. Chris walked up to the night table and picked up a remote control. He pressed a button and the blinds parted and retreated to the walls. Beyond was the ocean fronted by about 70 feet of pebbled beach. The sun was still in the sky, but retreating quickly. The light flooded in, revealing textured latte coloured walls and the bed covered in a richly woven spread in browns, greys and taupe and a skyline scene of New York City over the bed. Chris opened the sliding garden door and a fresh ocean breeze blew in.

They returned to the living room where he repeated the operation on the living room windows with another remote control. The couches turned out to be chocolate suede and the walls there were a textured limestone finish. At the end of the hall were French doors that led to a deck that extended the whole width of the house. Darren saw a sunken conversation pit with a central fire bowl on the left side, and a hot tub off to the right side with a shade pergola over it and potted shrubs set in a line beyond it. The floors throughout the house were terrazzo tile in greys and taupe with a thick cream and taupe area carpet in the living room area. The whole effect was masculine, comfortable and unostentatious. He could totally see Chris here.

Darren turned back to Chris who stood quietly watching him, smiling. This was one of the first times he recognized that this guy was a star now and had the resources to live like one.

"This place blows my mind, Chris. It's perfect. Did you get it like this or did you hire somebody to decorate"?

"No, it needed some work when I got it. My Dad has a carpentry business so he did a lot of it and then we both painted it. Mom and I picked out the rest of the stuff when I moved here last summer. You'd better be impressed 'cause I even cleaned up in here last night". He laughed. "Dad designed the deck too. It turned out really well, didn't it?...Um, did you want a drink? There's a wine fridge in the kitchen, but I don't drink much wine, so the liquor is in there too. There are vodka coolers, OJ, and sodas in the fridge too".

"Where did all the booze come from? I thought you were too young to buy it"? Darren laughed, but immediately regretted reminding Chris that he was younger than he was.

"I have friends who aren't too young. If I want something I just tell Cory or Mark and they bring it to work for me. Somebody should tell them not to corrupt the kids, shouldn't they?" Chris said wryly. "In another month or so I'll finally be able to buy my own liquor, have a drink in public with my friends and go to a club with them too."

"I'll have a cooler then, thanks… If it's any consolation, it sure doesn't seem like you're only twenty; I keep forgetting. Trust me, once you get past that 21st birthday, the rest won't matter much".

Chris went to the fridge and popped the tops off a couple of vodka coolers, poured them into glasses and turned to Darren.

"If you like, you can check out the deck while I go change. I'll be back in a few minutes".

Darren opened the deck door, leaned in the doorway, and gazed out to the ocean. The wind was dropping and the sea was calming too. The sandpipers had lost their minds and were running back and forth up and down the beach looking for them. It was so peaceful here. As he considered getting comfortable on one of the deck lounges, he heard the shower turn on and smiled. Chris was being really thoughtful. He wondered how often he had sleepover guests.

A few minutes later Chris came back into the living room in black jeans and a sapphire blue shirt and asked Darren to start some music while he went to the kitchen and started pulling stuff out of the fridge. Darren pressed play on the CD player and Adele's '21' disc came on with the volume turned down low. He went back to the bedroom and found his bag and returned with a tissue paper wrapped parcel. He walked up behind Chris and put his arms round him from behind and presented him with the gift. When Chris turned his head to look at him, he took the opportunity to kiss his cheek and said, "This is for you".

"What is it"? Chris said with an intrigued smile.

"Well, open it and you'll find out, Dweeble. It's not a big deal. I just wanted to thank you for bringing home a stray". He had known Chris for months now and still found it hard to call him Chris. Criss was what his friends had called _him_ all through college.

Chris opened the tissue and found a handmade black glass rose with platinum threads through it. He turned and wrapped his arms around Darren.

"It's beautiful; I love it. I love that you thought of it".

He hugged Darren and then pulled back a little, silently asking permission as he set the rose on the counter. He was still having trouble believing this was real. Darren smiled back at him and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss started gently, then intensified and abruptly they changed to nipping, and tasting as their hands pulled up shirts and roamed their bodies, and their breathing became ragged. Chris broke away and closed his eyes, trying to maintain some control. _God this felt so good! Darren really was here, with him._

"Nobody is going to eat if we don't stay on track here. And you might need your strength …later" Chris teased, but he kept looking at Darren with those amazing ocean blue eyes and let him see how badly he wanted to keep making out.

Darren shook his head, backing away and laughing_. I guess I didn't have to worry about feeling awkward. I can't believe how natural that felt. _"This is a whole new scene for me, you know. I feel like a virgin again. Weird, isn't it, when I probably have slept with, maybe 20, 25 women? "

"What! You never told me you were such a whore"! Chris looked shocked.

_Wow, it did sound pretty bad when you said it out loud. "_I am not a whore! That's over almost 8 years. What's that, maybe 3 a year? And I have to admit about 10 of 'em were during my first year of college… Ok, so maybe I _was _a whore, then". Darren laughed. "But for the last few years I've been mostly monogamous. Right now, I'm single again. Maybe that's why you're looking pretty good; it's been a while", he kidded.

"I guess I've been lucky I've never gotten an STD, but I have been pretty reliable about protection. I had a pregnancy scare early on and it freaked me out. I am _so _not ready to be a parent! How about you? What's your score"? He took a long swallow of his drink and leaned back on the kitchen counter.

Chris turned back to the counter where he was getting the food organized. He bent and got a baking pan out of a cabinet and took the chicken to the sink. He shook his head and looked down at the food. _Oh crap, I'm gonna sound like such a kid. Don't make me do this, Dare._

"I'm sensing avoidance here, Chris. You don't want to tell me"?

Chris turned again and faced him, leaning against the counter with his hands clasped one over the other in front of him, just like Kurt did when _he_ was uncomfortable, Darren noticed. He saw Chris flush and look down at the floor and then he met Darren's eyes and shrugged his shoulders. _Okay, I guess it's only fair to tell him. He wants to know what it's like to be gay and this is part of my experiences too._

"You have to remember, I was barely 19 when I got this gig with Glee. I went directly from being a high school kid in the closet, to working 12 and 14 hours a day with that bunch of straight kids back at the studio. They were the only people I knew in LA, so that's who I hung out with. Then, by the time I came out as gay, the fans were starting to hound me…and they still do. I can't hook up with a fan, Darren. It's just wrong. I feel like I'm taking unfair advantage of them ".

"Before that, there was this guy I knew in high school that I messed around with a little after school, sometimes. We never actually admitted to each other we were gay so we never got past jacking. I saw a little while ago on his Facebook page he's engaged to a girl, so maybe he isn't. Or he's still in denial, I don't know".

"And then I had a girlfriend in my senior year of high school... Yeah, I did. Don't look at me like that. I didn't want to believe that I was gay. That's a life sentence, Dare. I really felt that I was in love with her, and maybe I was. She is such a cool girl and we're still friends. We got pretty close. It certainly wasn't her fault we didn't go all the way. We got each other off but never actually screwed. She knows _now_ why I told her I respected her too much to…do her, but at the time she was pretty frustrated with me. I just couldn't make myself do it! My family are pretty straight-laced, church-going Christians, too. They always told me they expected me to wait till I was married to have sex, so I guess I'm kind of uptight, too".

"Shit, you mean, you've never…"? It was Darren's turn to look shocked.

"Yeah. Yeah I have… I'm getting there. During the first Glee break I had a thing going for a while with a guy I met in college. I was his first, too. God, for a while there we just couldn't get enough of each other. We fucked like those proverbial frantic bunnies, every chance we could. Then Glee got renewed…and I went back to working from the crack of stupid to drop dead tired again. His grades needed work too, so we hardly ever saw each other… and then he met somebody else who was there for him…"

"After that there was an older guy, he's maybe 35. You'd probably recognize his name, if I told you. When I think back though, I think he's maybe into boys. The fact that I looked fourteen was probably why he was interested in me, but I was just flattered that he wanted to date me. That didn't last long though. I couldn't deal with the fact that he wanted to top every time. It just wasn't…a partnership, you know? That's another big hassle about being gay, trying to find somebody you both like to be with and that likes what you like. "

"Yeah, that's the same hassle straight people have too, Chris."

Chris chuckled, conceding his point, and met Darren's eyes, glad the worst was over now. "Since then it's been pretty much nothing; a few random blow jobs and a one-nighter once when I drank too much. There just isn't time for a real relationship. Who wants a partner that works as much as we do? And I don't like one-nighters, they make me feel sleazy. So I made rule number two; that you should care about the people you sleep with. So, there aren't that many notches on my bedposts …Geeze, man, 25"? Chris laughed and shook his head as he continued preparing their dinner. He put the chicken in the oven and started a pan of water on the stove.

He looks pretty competent in the kitchen, Darren thought. "Wait…Doesn't that mean you're breaking both your rules here? "

Chris glanced over at him and shrugged."Well, I guess maybe rule number one could be covered by professional development, like you said, and rule number two can cover friends. I _do_ care about you". Chris thought to himself, '_If he knew exactly how much I cared, he'd be out of here so fast_'.

"If you say so; they're your rules… Anything I can do to help"?

Chris nodded at the fridge. "There's salad stuff in the fridge and a bowl in that cabinet, if you want to put that together. "

They talked as they worked together preparing the meal and setting the table. They had another drink, started a new disc, and by then, their meal was ready. Neither of them could focus on their food, though. They found they were touching shoulders and hands and hovering near to each other and they could both feel the tension in the air. They finished up the meal, loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen. There was cheesecake for desert but neither of them wanted any. Darren watched Chris put the glass rose on the entertainment stand beside the Golden Globe. They were both preoccupied with their unfinished business, but unsure how to move past friendship into something more.

Darren went to start another disc and stopped at the deck door to watch the sun as it sank into the ocean. Chris came up behind him and wrapped one arm around his chest and leaned his chin on his shoulder. Darren put his hand into Chris' and leaned back a little into him. He realized he really was ok with putting himself into Chris' hands, literally and figuratively. They stood that way watching the sun sinking into the sea together and twilight settled over the ocean.


	6. Chapter 6 Good Night

**Chapter 6 Good Night**

_ A/N This is the only chapter that has a mature rating. If you'd rather, you can take it as read that they both enjoyed a lot of sex that night and then you can continue with the next chapter. _

* * *

><p>Darren sighed as he turned to face Chris, put his arms around him and pulled him close. Chris leaned back to look into his face with his hands resting on Darren's shoulders, saying, "So tell me why my straight friend wants to sleep with me. I don't believe this is you trying to 'method' Blaine. He isn't here; this is Darren I'm with".<p>

Darren shrugged and moved in to kiss Chris' temple, and found he was frustrated by that extra inch or so in height Chris had on him. He contented himself with pressing a kiss to his cheek below his ear and then he dropped his lips to the corner of Chris' jaw and sucked there for a moment. Darren's left hand rose to his shoulder and then crept up to cup Chris' face as he traced the tendon down to the crease in Chris' neck with his lips. He rubbed his thumb across Chris' lips and felt him exhale slowly. His lips opened to suck Darren's thumb in and out, caressing it with his tongue. Darren's eyes closed as a shudder went through his core, ending in his cock and hardening him immediately. Fuck, how could that be so hot?

Darren spoke softly beside his ear. "Blaine and Darren both want to get to know you better. Straight, gay, bi, curious, whatever; they're all just labels. Is it better to be attracted to the package and then have to discover if you like its soul or to be attracted to a soul and hope you like the package? I like your soul a lot, and I hope I like the package it's wrapped in. Good enough?" Chris looked down to see Darren's hands slide slowly down his chest to begin unbuttoning his shirt.

Chris nodded as he let his hands move to Darren's back and on down to his sides. "Good enough… I really like your packaging...a lot. I can take or leave your soul". _God, I am _such_ a liar. I want to _own_ his soul!_ Darren chuckled as he felt Chris' hands slide across his chest under his shirt, smoothing the hair up his chest with the palms of his hands, and circling over the stiffened nubs his nipples were turning into with his thumbs. By then, all the buttons on Chris' shirt were undone and Darren slipped it off his shoulders to let it drop it to the floor. His faintly freckled ivory skin covered well defined muscles over his shoulders, arms and pecs and a faint narrow ribbon of auburn hair ran up the centre of his chest.

Chris grabbed the bottom of Darren's sweater, and pulled it over his head, then let it fall too. Darren's hands slid up Chris' sides, then up his ribs and from there to his shoulders and down his arms. "Blaine would say, 'You're beautiful'. You've been keeping those muscles a secret".Chris smiled wryly as he raised an eyebrow and said,"Well, you _sound_ gay".Darren shrugged and smiled as he took his hand and led him to the bedroom. "Thank you. Come on, it's time for you to deflower Blaine."

Darren stood in the deepening dusk, his heart pounding with nervous excitement, watching the muscles in Chris' back flex under his skin in the dusky light, as he threw back the covers on his bed. Chris turned back to stand in front of him, unbuckling Darren's belt and undoing the buttons on his jeans, as he looked for doubt in Darren's eyes. He responded by undoing the button and lowering the zip on Chris' pants, gazing back into his eyes and meeting his challenge. As if by a prearranged signal, they both pushed the jeans over the other's hips at the same time. They lost their balance and fell onto the bed, snorting and giggling, yanking on pant legs, pulling on pockets and socks, until jeans, boxers, and socks landed in a pile on the floor in front of the bed.

Chris rolled on top of Darren carefully, feeling his solid trim body against his as Darren's arms wrapped around him and held him there. Any trace of laughter disappeared when he looked deep into Darren's eyes and prepared to share a part of him he kept separate from his friends and his work. He acted the role of a gay character, but even then he supressed his real feelings almost all the time, creating the character mostly with his mind.

Years of holding back, of staying in conscious control of his emotions was hard to break through after a while. His body was leading the way for him now though, with his breath catching and his heart already racing. All he had to do now was let go and follow. Darren watched him in fascination as he waited. Then he put his hand on Chris' face, cradling his cheek and the other rested on his shoulder, guiding him toward him.

Chris' eyes were dark with desire, and there was a hunger in them Darren had only briefly glimpsed before. Chris took possession of Darren's mouth, exploring and duelling, then moved to his neck, nipping and sucking as if he were starving, making Darren feel as if he needed the taste of him to survive, with his hands tangled in his hair and soft whimpers escaping his mouth. Darren whined back in pain when Chris bit his shoulder, gently at first and then gradually harder while his hands moved over Darren's hips, his chest, on his neck, in his hair, and down his arms, constantly moving as if he was trying to memorize him with his hands.

He couldn't believe the strength of his response to Chris' voracious appetite. Darren was lost in a red haze of sensation, his eyes closed, sucking on Chris' collar bone, unaware he was creating a welt there. He let himself sink into a well of sensation as he ground back into the pressure of Chris' hips, arching and pulling him toward him. The shots of pleasure when their cocks rubbed against each other were making him thrust against him in a search for more.

Darren heard Chris muttering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry", totally incapable of holding back at all anymore. Chris' hands were clutching his shoulders and he was licking and kissing his way across his arms and shoulders and then across his chest, biting him gently and tasting him as if he was irresistibly delicious. He sucked and bit his skin, then he'd lick it and soothe it again before he moved on to another spot.

He was still sitting on top of Darren's legs, biting the point of his hip and sucking the skin there as his fingers dragged down Darren's chest to clutch and hold his sides. Darren followed his lead, distantly shocked by his out-of-control hunger. They rolled, landing side by side with Chris breathless, Darren clutching, craving more contact from him too.

He could feel the precum leaking from him…and from Chris he guessed, making them both slick on their bellies as they arched their hips toward each other while they kissed. His hand was rubbing up and down Chris' back and shoulder, his smooth skin like velvet. Darren let his hand slide further down his body, following the curve of his side and over his hip to Chris' ass.

"Oh god, Darren, I need you",Chris breathed into his ear as his hips heaved against him again. He grabbed Darren's other hand and put his fingers in his mouth and kissed and sucked them hard. It felt like Chris was making love to his fingers and Darren desperately hoped Chris would suck his cock that way.

"I'm here, I'm here for you" Darren soothed "… whatever you want, babe. Just tell me what you want." Darren said softly in response, hoping he could sate the ravenous appetite he had awakened in Chris.

"Fuck me… please" Chris asked, failing to suppress the note of raw yearning he could hear in his voice. What Chris wanted more than anything just then was to fuck Darren into the bed till he was raw…but he knew he couldn't trust himself to use the slow and gentle touch Darren needed for his first time. Chris needed him _now!_

"Yeah, you got it." Darren breathed over the skin on his neck, as he moved his hips against Chris'.

Darren knew they were both too freaking hot to keep this up for much longer, but he wasn't sure what to do next. "Tell me what to do." He asked, feeling lame. Darren had gotten a rough idea that Chris needed some preparation first from his reading, but didn't know if he could trust fan fictions to give him the right details of how to accomplish that. A shiver ran through Chris, from anticipation Darren guessed, as he broke off kissing him to look at his eyes. They were black with desire and he looked so brittle, he could break if Darren wasn't careful.

Chris rolled over then and reached into his night table drawer and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lube before he came back to sit on his thighs again. He pulled his hand up between them again and once more kissed and sucked his fingers. Darren moaned, feeling his tongue stroke his knuckles. It was so erotic, it felt as if he _was_ sucking his cock. Chris pulled his fingers slowly out of his mouth and kissed them again before he opened the tube with his teeth and poured a small dollop onto the pads of his fingers. His eyes met Darren's then, asking him silently if he knew what to do next. Darren guessed he knew how to start, anyway.

He carefully lowered his fingers as Chris rose onto his knees and bent over and kissed him to bring himself closer. Darren kissed him back, his tongue making love to Chris, thrusting into his mouth the way his cock soon would be and used his thumb to feel his way between the fevered skin of his ass cheeks and gently touched him there. Chris gasped and whimpered as he heaved against him again. Holy crap, he was hot! He slowly caressed and circled his target and then slid his finger in. The lube made it much easier that he thought it would be, but it was still tight. Chris moaned and lifted his hips and dropped them, effectively fucking his finger. "More" he breathed again. "Ohhhh please, more"

Darren found the second finger was much tighter and Chris' next gasp sounded less like pleasure and more like discomfort, though he didn't stop moving on his hand. He went slow and easy and just waited till Chris moved easily again. It had only taken a few minutes to loosen him up and then he tried the third finger.

"Hold…hold it for a second." Chris gasped, so he froze. While he waited, he kissed Chris' mouth and face and neck and whatever else he could reach, distracting them both. Soon, Chris' hips were moving again on his fingers, and he began making whimpering needy sounds that didn't even sound like words anymore.

This was one frustration Darren hadn't counted on. With a girl you could just _fuck_ when you wanted to …and damn it, he wanted to now, so badly… but not at the risk of hurting Chris. He finally pulled out his fingers when they slid smoothly and tried to open the condom package. His fingers were slick and slippery and the package got so slick he couldn't get a grip on the damn thing. Chris finally grabbed it from him, tore it open and quickly rolled it on him. Then he grabbed the lube and squirted some all over him.

"Are you ready…?" Chris whispered, giving him one last chance to change his mind.

God yes, he was ready! "Fuck yes!" He nodded eagerly and bit his lip in anticipation. Chris looked down as he held Darren's cock and lowered himself slowly onto him. He felt himself sink into Chris as he hissed in reaction and moaned. Holy Christ! He was so frigging tight it felt like he was being squeezed by a hand. Chris stopped, holding himself as still as he could, his face showing how badly he wanted this. Darren hoped the pressure would release…or he was only gonna last about thirty seconds, and gradually it did. "Oh god, oh god, oh god" Chris was whimpering.

Darren knew he had to fuck soon or he was going to die. When he was all the way in he looked up at Chris, wishing he could kiss him again. Chris had his eyes closed but he was panting hard now and he hadn't even started moving yet.

Darren started as slow and easy as he could and got a growl from Chris in response that surprised him with its feral quality. He picked up the pace a little and then Chris opened his eyes and looked right back into his, the craving in them clear to see. He knew he wanted to fuck harder and faster and this wasn't nearly enough, with only the couple inches he could lift his hips.

"I want to fuck you harder. Can we lie down?" Darren asked quietly.

Chris knew that Darren wanted to be in control now and he was ready to let him. He nodded and stretched himself down flat on top of Dare. "Roll over" he nodded to his right, and hung on with his legs wrapped around Darren's and his arms under his shoulders. Darren let go of him long enough to grab the edge of the bed to pull himself over on top. As Chris locked his legs around Darren's hips, his cock went deeper and made him cry out helplessly.

"Yes, that's it Darren, right there…Oh yes, ugh god" he moaned and threw his head back. Darren suddenly had to kiss him and he lost his rhythm as they mashed their lips together. He started moving again and Chris groaned "God, yes. Fuck, yes, fuck there." as he clutched his hips spasmodically and moaned again. Darren knew he was getting way to close and he was pretty sure Chris was too. His hips drove into him and holy god, Chris felt like heaven.

"Fuck, oh god… yes" Chris gritted out. His breathing was shallow and he sounded so close…Darren hoped to god he'd be able to last long enough. He was going to come any second now, he knew. He felt a shudder go through Chris and then he felt the spasms all around his cock as Chris let out a drawn out moan of ecstasy. Darren thrust hard two more times, ripping a yell from Chris in response and then he was the one whimpering against Chris' neck and shuddering as he clutched him in his arms.

For a moment, Darren saw in his mind's eye the two of them tangled together, fused into one body, sweaty and gasping for breath, their shared desperate desire finally seeping away in the dim evening light. He lay spent on top of Chris who was quivering with his eyes closed and his head tilted back. He leaned down toward Chris' damp face and kissed his temple and whispered "Holy fuck!" in his ear. A ghost of a smile passed over Chris' face.

Another minute or two passed till Chris opened his eyes and looked at him. "God Darren, I'm so sorry. I wanted to make it good for you and then I acted like an animal".

"It _was_ good for me… You needed that though…Baby penguin, you are _not._ That was intense".

"Mm… yeah…That's the problem with keeping it buried inside you for too long. You finally let go and there's a fucking explosion. I'm sorry".

"Stop apologizing. Do you know what it feels like to be able to do that for you? You made me feel like you were gonna die if I stopped. Whoa, that was hot!" Darren pulled out of him and slipped off to Chris' side, watching him. He'd never noticed before how…absolutely beautiful Chris was before. Fucking always made him sappy and sentimental, he laughed at himself.

"I think I might have…died. What I really wanted was to be the one to do that to you, but that's probably way more than you're ready for" Chris said quietly, as he looked back into Darren's eyes with something in them that Darren couldn't read. Maybe he got sentimental too, Darren wondered?

"Maybe you should try me, before you decide that",Darren said demurely, as he lay beside him with his elbow crooked on the bed and his head on his hand, twiddling Chris' nipple, pink and supple now.

Chris turned his head and looked directly into Darren's eyes and snorted. "Oh I will, you can count on it". His hand reached up to touch the bite mark on his shoulder. "Hey…I'm sorry about that, too".

"Mmm, yeah. You're forgiven. You were like a wild animal or something, maybe a horse, they bite too, don't they?"

Chris grinned and said, "Does the phrase 'hung like a stallion' come to mind? I have bad news, that's not a _good_ thing for gay guys"

"Hah. Hah. Yeah, um no. You're no stallion, Mr. Ego...but I guess it's no wonder everybody wants to top you, you're no peewee either".

Chris held up his hands, waggling his thumbs and laughing, saying "Sam, my first lover, told me to check out the thumbs, the thumbs and big toes. I have big thumbs. So far, my observations have told me he's generally right. But, don't worry, it's all about the prep and if you're hot enough, it won't matter. At least not until afterward when you're walking bowlegged, pardner" he teased, grinning and put up his hand for Darren to match against his.

Darren looked at his own hand and then at Chris' in the air beside him and humphed at him in derision. He was pretty sure Chris was teasing him again, the shit. He rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom to clean up, shaking his head and muttering about people with a warped sense of humour. He shot back at Chris "Maybe I will settle for that blow job after all, Dweeble."

Chris chuckled at Darren, and then stopped in dismay when he thought of what had happened between them. He had wanted to be tender and gentle and ended up being blindsided by his body's pent up need. That had never happened to him before and he was sure it was because he had been suppressing his feelings for Darren for so long. Months of yearning had overridden his carefully planned seduction scenario.

When Chris returned after his turn in the bathroom, Darren was relaxing on his back in the dim evening light with his arms crossed behind his head on the pillow and his ankles crossed. He seemed to be considering the clouds on the horizon that were still faintly outlined by light in the dark sky. Chris checked out his compact muscled body as he lay down beside him and admired him with his head on his hand. He thought Darren was freaking gorgeous and he was finally _his_, to enjoy in his bed…all night! All weekend! At least if he hadn't scared him away.

Darren turned his head and smiled at him. "You're looking at me like an alcoholic looks at a bottle of booze".

"Yeah, I can see you becoming a serious addiction… How about we start all over and pretend I didn't go all 'beast' on you? If you give me another chance, I promise to make it all about you".

"Relax, Dweeble. You needed to take the edge off. It's okay, I'm not going anywhere.

"God, I'm happy to hear you say that" He moved a little closer and ran his hand up Darren's body, smoothing the hair up his belly to his chest. "You are a furry beast, aren't you?" he laughed_._ It felt so good to be able to do the things he had wanted to for so long. He could just go ahead and touch Darren now, any time and any _where_ he wanted and couldn't help himself from smiling at him.

"Yeah, a gift from my father I could have done without. It's just a treat, having to shave twice a day if I don't want to look like I didn't shave at all. That's why I don't bother when I'm not working; it gets old pretty quick. And thanks for not using the hobbit line, by the way", Darren grinned back at him.

Chris snorted and said, "I think you look really sexy when you've got a couple days scruff and your hair is all curly like this. You look like you just spent the weekend in bed … Rrwwrrr." Chris combed the fingers of his left hand through Darren's curls and pulled them out straight. God, I've wanted to do that since forever! And now he could. There _was_ a god!

Darren laughed and turned to him and said, "Well, this weekend that'll be true,"as he leaned in to kiss him. Chris returned the kiss, threw his leg over Darren's, wrapped his arms under him to hold his shoulders and let a low rumble reverberate in his throat as he revelled in the feel of him against his body. Oh man, this was_ heaven_!

Darren curled up with his hands on Chris' shoulders too and rolled him over and then _he_ was on top looking down into Chris' eyes. "Remember, I said I wanted to go where I've never been? So let me try this".There's still so much more I want to explore with you.

Chris let the sensations wash over him as Darren kissed his mouth, his neck and his shoulders, tasting and licking his way as he followed the faint arrow on Chris' chest south. Chris sighed with pleasure, held Darren's shoulders and closed his eyes again as he felt kisses and tongue flicks go down his chest, across his belly and down his hip. He frowned as the kisses went down his leg and completely bypassed where he was hoping they would go next. He made an inquiring noise and a soft laugh answered him. The kisses travelled up his other leg, tasting and nipping up his thigh, till finally they found their destination.

He felt the heat of Darren's mouth slide down his cock and groaned with the effort of not shoving his cock down this throat. Fuck! "Oh my god, Dare" he whispered. Darren made an interrogatory noise, the rumbling going right down to Chris' balls. How many times had he dreamed of this? Too many times to count... and now it was real. Darren was moving his lips up and down his shaft and letting his tongue tease the spot just under the head. Chris wondered briefly if he had ever done this before, but left that thought behind before the jealousy took hold. He felt Dare's hands caress his balls and knew it would only take a few minutes more before he came.

He groaned and consoled himself that he _needed_ to stop him if he wanted more than just a blow job tonight. And he wanted so much more. He had to pace himself if he was going to make his body last the weekend. He knew from past experience that he would be good for two or maybe three times tonight, and he wasn't going to waste one of them on a freaking blow job.

He pushed Darren's shoulder till he released his cock and they locked eyes again. "Gotta save it, baby." he smiled apologetically. Darren smiled back and nodded his understanding. He knew how close he had brought Chris, and was content that his first blowjob seemed to be good enough to make him come.

"My turn?" Darren asked, a hint of trepidation in his eyes.

"Only if you want. You don't have to, if you're not ready yet." Chris knew they had time and that he could make Darren beg him to fuck him.

"No. I want to know what that feels like. _You _seemed to have a nice time." He said playfully. He trusted Chris to make sure it was good for him too, but was _very_ grateful that he had got rid of some of the pent up frustration before he did it.

Chris rolled his eyes. Fuck…a nice time! "Yeah, I can make sure _you_ have a nice time too, Dare"

"Then I think you should fuck me. We'll get our to-do list out of the way and then we can relax." Darren looked at Chris with trust in his eyes and Chris felt his heart lurch in his chest.

He kissed Darren again. Whenever he thought of making love with Darren, he always started with kissing him. His mouth felt like home… They kissed slow and gently until they were wrapped around each other. Darren pushed Chris' leg down and steered him between his legs, before he wrapped his around Chris, holding him there. Oh, yeah, this was perfect. Chris knew he wanted to stay there forever, being held in the cradle of Darren's legs.

He let his hand grab Darren's dick, hard and ready against his belly and let his thumb slide across the head making Darren shudder and moan against his neck. He pulled away and they rolled together toward his night table again, Darren's legs unwilling to release him as he got another condom and found the lube still lying forgotten on the other side of the bed. He kissed his way across Darren's neck and across his shoulders with the appreciation his body deserved. He was so beautiful, muscled and male beneath his hands and lips.

He stopped on his journey to pay some attention to Darren's nipples finding them with his tongue and teeth and sucking and rubbing them with his tongue. Darren was moaning as he watched him, the heat in his eyes making Chris so hard his cock was aching. He was still stroking him slowly and his hand was already so wet from the precum leaking out of him steadily. Chris knew he wanted to taste Darren, to be able to remember the scent and the taste and feel of him in his mouth.

He moved father down and Darren shivered in anticipation, knowing where Chris was going next. He looked up at the ceiling waiting breathlessly for him to get there. A loud moan escaped him when he felt Chris' tongue barely touch him. "Chris…don't tease. Put your goddamn mouth on me…pleeeease." He knew he was begging shamelessly and didn't give a _shit_. He wanted him on his cock. God, he needed it.

He heard Chris chuckle. "I'm here. You got it, baby." he whispered softly as he took him in his mouth and pushed down till he was right in the back of his throat. "Ohhhhhh yeah. That's it. Yess, oooooh yes." Darren heard himself moan gratefully as Chris began to move his mouth up and down on his shaft and then lick from his balls to the tip. Jesus! He'd heard before that gay guys gave the best head…and they were right. Who else would know better what felt so fucking fabulous, but another guy?

He had lost himself in the velvet feel of Chris' tongue on his cock when he felt Chris touch his asshole. At this point any touch was a good touch. He thrust his ass toward Chris' fingers and got a muffled snort from Chris. He pulled off and said mischievously "That a boy. You're gonna _love_ this," in a teasing promise. Darren thrust his cock up toward him to remind Chris what his priority was here, without saying anything.

Chris nodded to him and went back to the slowest goddamn blow job Darren had ever gotten in his life. Most of the girls who _would_ give him head just wanted to get it over and done. Chris was happy to suck his dick all day, he thought as he felt him tease his tongue up one side and down the other and then dip into the slit on the head. He felt Chris push a finger in his ass, but he was so distracted by his mouth, he hardly noticed.

He did notice when he put the second one in and grunted. Chris sucked his cock hard then, and he thrust up into his mouth in reaction. When he came down, Chris scissored his fingers and he could feel the stretch burn. It felt fucking amazing when it was combined with the suction on his dick. This guy was good. He felt his hips moving on Chris' fingers and Chris let him fuck his mouth as he moved.

He had closed his eyes and was trying to see how far he could push down Chris' throat when he felt a bigger stretch. That stopped him. He held his breath, waiting for the burn to slow while Chris kept up the distraction by sucking him. He was rubbing the tip of his dick with his tongue while he let his lips move just the inch or so over the head of his dick in fast little swallowing movements, making the heat in him building toward something big. He was panting fast and heard sounds come out of him he'd never heard himself make before. Had he ever whimpered in need before? He sure as hell was now.

He wanted this teasing to end, no matter how good it felt. He wanted more. He wanted to be fucked …badly. "Baby, please. I want it. I want it. Fuck me, fuck me." He moaned, gasping. He was pushing his hips down on Chris' fingers and it felt soooo good. He knew he wanted more than fingers. He wanted Chris' cock.

Chris was panting just as fast as Darren. Seeing him fall apart under him and beg him to fuck him was more than all his dreams had ever made him hope for. All the careful preparation he had given Dare had been worth it to get him to this point, though he was aching with need too now. He'd been so right to have Dare fuck him first. He would have never been able to last otherwise.

He pulled his fingers out and found the condom, his hands shaking as he tore it open. He knew he would _never _forget this feeling, just before he sank into him with both of them needing it so bad now. Darren was pulling his knees back waiting for him. He took a steadying breath. Now he had to get Darren the rest of the way, before he let himself go.

He pushed on Darren's knees and lined up , pushing in slowly. Darren grunted as the burn took over, but he was hot enough now that even that felt good. Chris groaned and shook and started talking to keep himself grounded. "Ok, baby. That was just a little, Darren. Now, I'm gonna give you more." He leaned a little farther and Darren moaned and moved his hips. "That's it baby, that's it. I've got more for you. D'you want more?"

Dare nodded silently in answer, and his upper lip lifted in a mix of ecstasy and agony. "Slow. We'll go slow, baby. Tell me when you're ready. I'll wait for you Darren." Chris said to him, soft and gentle, though he wanted so badly to thrust into Darren and fuck him so hard he could taste his cock in his throat.

Darren had already started moving his hips when he said "More, give me more. I want it all Chris."

Chris nodded and gave it all to him. He sank the rest of the way, slow and steady, until his thighs met Darren's ass. He shifted Darren's legs up to his shoulders and waited until he was ready. Now, it was time; all of the prep, all of the teasing had been to get them _here_. Once again, he realized this wasn't a fantasy any more. He had his cock in Darren's ass as far as it would go and now he was going to fuck him…hard.

He waited as long as he could before he began to pull out slowly, dragging over Darren's prostate. Chris felt the shock go through him as Darren gasped and his eyes opened wide. Oh yeah. "Hold on baby. This is the best part" he slid back in, still slow and gentle and felt another shock go through Darren.

"Are you good?" Chris asked, already knowing he was, but wanting to hear it.

Darren nodded, his eyes dark and smoky. "Fuck me." He said simply.

Chris pulled back again, faster this time and thrust back and then just let himself go, making Darren emit wordless sounds of need. Chris held his hips and Darren used his legs to pull himself against him hard, grunting when they came together.

Dare was the first to get there. He could feel him tensing and then he was gasping "Coming…I'm coming" before he felt the spasms around his cock and saw the come spouting across his belly as he let out a yell. The clenching around his dick held Chris as he slowed, feeling his own orgasm building hot and tight inside him. Darren was still spasming, though the jets of come had slowed when he joined him, their overlapping waves building them both higher and making Darren jet a couple more streams across his belly.

The aftershocks running through both of them made Chris quiver and every muscle in his body refuse to obey him. He felt himself collapsing down onto Darren. He let his legs slide off his shoulders and fell onto his chest, putting his arms down at the last moment to stop himself from landing too hard, happy to feel him against his heart.

Chris' spinal cord gradually reconnected to his brain. His breathing caught in time with the occasional spasm still firing through hyper-sensitive nerves. He ran his fingers down Darren's sweat slicked shoulder as he touched his head to his damp forehead. He hoped his overwhelmed feelings would go directly thru to Darren's brain by osmosis because he was beyond words.

He rested with his head touching Darren's and listened to his own heart slow to beat in time with his. The words to Carole King's 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow' haunted him as he looked through his lashes at Darren. There _were_ no spoken words of love between them. This night and maybe one more might be all that he ever gave to him. Darren had only asked to play a role.

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?

–**Carole King (you can buy this on ITunes or listen on YouTube)**

**As sung by James Durbin- on American Idol **

_**Tonight you're mine completely **_

_**You give your love so sweetly**_

_**Tonight the light of love is in your eye**_

_**But will you love me tomorrow?**_

_**Is this a lasting treasure?**_

_**Or just a moment's pleasure?**_

_**Can I believe the magic of your sighs?**_

_**Will you still love me tomorrow?**_

_**Tonight with words unspoken**_

_**You say that I'm the only one**_

_**But will my heart be broken **_

_**When the night meets the morning sun?**_

_**I'd like to know that your love **_

_**Is a love I can be sure of.**_

_**So tell me now and I won't ask again**_

_**Will you still love me, will you still love me**_

_**Will you still love me tomorrow?**_

Chris watched him until Darren opened his eyes and gazed back into his. "Oh my god," he gasped, his breath still heaving, "That was …oh wow...god, I've never come like that! I thought it was never gonna stop!"

"I'm glad", Chris smiled back tentatively. "I was hoping you wouldn't want to run out of here screaming. You ok?"

"I might be ruined for life, but right now it seems worth it" Darren laughed weakly. _Mmn yeah, sooo worth it._

"Yeah, well give it an hour or two and you are gonna be pissed _off _at me. I meant to take it easier on you, the first time at least. But you seem to make me a little crazy."

Darren snorted and climbed out of bed, pausing to test whether his legs would hold him yet. When Chris came back to the bedroom after his turn, Darren raised the sheets and invited him into his arms. "My second favourite part of sex is the snuggling afterward," he whispered sleepily into Chris' hair.

Chris hummed with contentment as he wrapped his arms around the man he loved, even if he didn't know it. He did his best to take a mental picture so he could add it to his growing collection of golden moments and then relaxed into oblivion with his chin tucked into Darren's neck. They slept in each other's arms.

Darren awoke later to an unfamiliar sensation in the dark. What was….? Oh, yeah. Chris was lying halfway across his right side with one hairy leg over his and one arm lying on his chest. He was softly breathing on his shoulder, relaxed and boneless against him. He smiled at snuggly Chris, trying to reconcile him with the writhing, desperate lover who had tried to devour him last night. He felt so different from holding a woman, but it still felt so…intimate. He lifted his hand to brush back the hair that was hanging onto Chris' face again and felt something deep within him swell and grow in his heart.

Darren extracted his leg carefully and then eased his body out from under Chris. He watched as Chris stretched, then sighed and settled back to sleep again, before he got up to have a whiz and get a drink. Ooooh ouch! Yeah, this part he could've done without. He snickered when he found he could walk normally.

He'd finally done it! He'd made love with Chris! It had been worlds different than he thought it would be. It wasn't just about the sex either, though that part had been way better than he'd thought too. It had been so…intensely emotional. He felt so grateful to have shared with Chris a part of him he kept hidden from almost everyone else. Something had come alive in him too that he apparently had done a good job of hiding, even from himself. It felt like he'd found a new wavelength he didn't know he could communicate on with Chris.

Chris blinked himself awake, alone in his bed in the dark. He heard Darren rattling around in the fridge and stretched before he reached to light the lamp, close the blinds and start the music on the IPod clock radio that read 2:20 am. He lay back and sighed as contentment spread throughout his body. He couldn't remember ever feeling so happy. Darren came back with two water bottles and passed one over to him without a word. Chris nodded his thanks and punched his pillow back up to better admire Darren, standing naked beside his bed and not only a dream this time.

He snickered as Darren spaz-krumped around the bed to a Black Eyed Peas track, his penis and balls swinging gaily. Then Darren crawled on to the bed and humped the lump that was Chris' hip to the beat, while Chris giggled. When Darren dropped flat on top of him and stuck his tongue in his ear, Chris screeched one of his higher notes. The Peas song ended and the Warblers version of Animal came on next. As the words floated out on the night air, they both were taken aback at how apropos they were, and stopped to listen. When they recorded it, they'd had no idea how closely the words would mirror their feelings tonight. Darren sang along softly into his ear. "Oh, I want some more, Oh, what are you waiting for?"

"I kinda wanna be more than friends" Chris whispered back, his life set to music again.

**ANIMAL **– **Darren & Chris (you can buy this on ITunes or listen on YouTube)**

_**Here we go again**_

_**I kinda wanna be more than friends **_

_**But take it easy on me **_

_**I'm afraid you're never satisfied**_

_**Here we go again, we're sick like animals**_

_**We play pretend. You're just a cannibal**_

_**I'm afraid I won't get out alive**_

_**No I won't sleep tonight**_

_**Oh, Oh I want some more **_

_**Oh, oh what are you waiting for?**_

_**Take a bite of my heart tonight**_

_**Oh, Oh I want some more**_

_**Oh, oh what are you waiting for? **_

_**What are you waiting for?**_

_**Say goodbye to my heart tonight**_

_**Here we are again **_

_**I feel the chemicals kicking in**_

_**It's getting heavy **_

_**And I want to run and hide, **_

_**I wanna run and hide**_

_**I do it every time**_

_**You're killing me now **_

_**And I won't be denied by you,**_

_**The animal inside of you**_

_**Oh, Oh I want some more **_

_**Oh, oh what are you waiting for?**_

_**Take a bite of my heart tonight**_

_**Oh, Oh I want some more **_

_**Oh, oh what are you waiting for?**_

_**What are you waiting for?**_

_**Say goodbye to my heart tonight**_

_**Hush, Hush the world is quiet**_

_**Hush, Hush we both can't fight it**_

_**It's us that made this mess **_

_**Why can't you understand?**_

_**Oh I won't sleep tonight**_

_**Oh, Oh I want some more**_

_**Oh, oh what are you waiting for?**_

_**Take a bite of my heart tonight**_

_**Say goodbye to my heart tonight**_

The song ended and Darren kissed his ear and nuzzled his chin, working his way down his neck. "I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you,"Darren whispered into his shoulder, "unless you bite me again, you wascally puddy tat". His tongue flicked his neck like a kitty licking cream and he snickered in his ear.

Chris tried to get his arms loose from under Darren and the sheet, but was held trapped. He gave up and chuckled softly as he sang "I'm afraid I won't get out alive."

Darren rolled off to his side, ripped the sheet back and kissed his way down his neck and across his chest. Chris heard him muttering "I'll take a bite of your heart tonight", as he lightly bit his chest over his heart. Chris laughed, "Hey, who's the puddy tat now, you animal"? He raised his hands to Darren's shoulders and rolled him back on to the bed, kissing along his bristly chin to his mouth. He rested on his hands on the bed on either side of Darren's chest and saw the eagerness in Darren's eyes. He stopped, still staring at Darren, feeling the desire he thought had been appeased rise in him again. Darren recognized it in his eyes and reached his hands up to bring him closer.

They kissed again, letting their lips and tongues speak silently for them. Darren whispered "I love making love with you. Can we do it again?"

Chris' heart surged inside his chest. He had never heard sweeter words in his life! "Anything. Anything you want." He whispered, smiling back at him. Darren already had his heart and soul. He was welcome to his body too.

"Is it is too soon to fuck you again? I don't want to hurt you. I know I'm pretty sore right now." Darren said tenderly as he nuzzled Chris neck and kissed his shoulder. "Maybe I should just finish that blow job, if it is. That was going alright, wasn't it?"

"God yes, it was. Was that your first blow job? You _are_ talented…I would love to have you inside me again. The prep might go a little quicker this time and we'll use lots of lube." Chris shrugged. He knew it would hurt his already smarting ass, but he didn't care. He wanted to feel Darren moving inside him again. Maybe this time he would last longer.

The prep _did_ go fast and it _did_ hurt and Chris _didn't_ give a damn. Both of them had taken the edge off their need so it took longer to come, long enough that Chris knew he was going to hurt for a while. As he felt Darren hitting his sweet spot over and over that was the last thing he was worried about. He was right where he wanted to be and so was Dare. He was swearing in a long stream of curse words and begging Darren to fuck, fuck, fuck him. The sound of the bed creaking and the slap of skin and their breath heaving and panting was the background to the gradual growl Darren was releasing.

"Coming …soon…?" Darren gasped, knowing he was close himself so Chris started stroking his dick to end it. Darren put his hand over his and they worked together till he whimpered and moaned as the come began to run down their hands and run down his balls to Darren's dick slamming into him.

Darren watched it running over his dick and that together with the feel of Chris coming around him made him groan "Yes..oh god yes" as he came hard again. His dick and balls were aching and he could only guess how Chris was feeling as he pulled out of him, and disposed of the condom then lay down to hold him close.

Neither of them had the energy to move from the bed. They wrapped around each other and simply enjoyed the contact of their skin, still feeling as if they were linked together: bodies, hearts and souls. Chris heaved a huge sigh, thinking to himself, _Oh yeah,_ s_ay goodbye to my heart tonight_.

Both could feel the beating of the other's hearts and soon they synchronized their breathing. Darren felt like they had created some new kind of organism with one heartbeat and four legs and arms...and two dicks. Haha! A Crisschriscross? Perfect! He laced his fingers through Chris' and wondered at the feelings awoken in him. Tonight he didn't care _how_ this could have happened. He just wanted to enjoy the moment he was in.

The IPod radio was now playing a song called I Knew I Loved You, by Savage Garden. Chris thought that once again, it sounded like somebody was playing a soundtrack to his life. It was kinda cool that the song said exactly what he was thinking.

I KNEW I LOVED YOU BEFORE I MET YOU

**Darren Hayes of Savage Garden (you can buy this on ITunes or listen on YouTube)**

_**Maybe it's intuition, **_

_**Some things you just don't question**_

_**Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant**_

_**There it goes. I think I found my best friend**_

_**I know it might sound a little crazy but I believe**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I think I dreamed you into life**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I have been waiting all my life**_

_**There just no rhyme or reason, **_

_**Only a sense of completion**_

_**And in your eyes I see the missing pieces**_

_**I'm searchin' for,**_

_**I think I found my way home.**_

_**I know that it might sound **_

_**More than a little crazy but I believe**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I think I dreamed you into life**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I have been waiting all my life**_

_**Oooh hoo oooh hooo uuu hooo uuu**_

_**A thousand angels dance around you**_

_**I am complete now that I found you**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I think I dreamed you into life**_

_**I knew I loved you before I met you**_

_**I have been waiting all my life…**_

The song ended and Chris saw that Darren had fallen asleep. He turned off the music and the lamp and they slept again.


	7. Chapter 7 Good Morning

**Chapter 7 Good Morning**

The sun had returned to the sand and pebbles on the beach with the shadows already getting foreshortened. Chris lay curled behind Darren with his arm over his hip and his face up against his shoulder. Darren was gradually becoming aware of the warmth behind him when the phone beside him gave two short rings and paused. Chris raised himself up to one elbow and peered groggily at the phone on the night stand past Darren's head. The phone gave two short rings again. A glance at the clock revealed it was 10:12 am.

Darren said, "Want me to pass it to you?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It's the door, though".

Chris grabbed the phone from Darren who turned to watch Chris. "Hello, who is it, please"?

His expression changed to one of dismay as he glanced at Darren and said, "Oh, Hi Dad. What are you doing here?…Yeah, sure I'm glad you're here. Just give me a minute".

He pressed end and looked at Darren, hesitation on his face. "My father is at the door...now!"

Darren's eyes met Chris' and he said. "What do you want me to do? Just tell me if you want me gone_"._

Chris looked back at him considering and then he shook his head saying, _"_No, stay here. I'll get the door. I guess we've been busted. It's not as if my Dad doesn't know I'm gay".

He rolled out the other side of the bed and went to the dresser. Darren admired the view as he bent to rummage for a pair of sleep pants. He quickly hopped into them and headed for the front door beyond the kitchen, remembering to close the bedroom door. Darren took the opportunity to head into the bathroom and quickly showered to get rid of the funk of sex that still surrounded him. Afterward he rummaged in his bag and found a pair of sleep pants and a T shirt and put them on. It was pretty obvious from the fold marks that neither had been slept in, but there was no help for that now.

Their discarded clothes were still in a tangle on the floor. He took a moment to pick up the bundle and sort and fold them into two neater piles.

"Hi, Dad, come on in. What's up? You usually text or call me if you're coming down". They quickly hugged in the dim foyer.

"I did last night, Christopher, as soon as I knew I would be coming down. It rang and then went to voice mail. Is it on silent? I emailed you too when I couldn't get through. I had to come down to pick up some special order stuff we need for Monday. I haven't seen you in a while, so I took the chance of catching you at home. Mom sends her love. Sorry if I woke you up; I know you're usually short of sleep. Were you out late"? He turned to tip up the light switch behind him, still blinded by the California sunshine. "I haven't had breakfast yet and I'm starving. Do you want to go out and get some? Hey, have you got any OJ in the fridge?...Um, what's that on your neck?

Chris' hand went to his neck, recalling his appalled discovery of the vivid welt reflected in the mirror when he cleaned up last night, as he backed away down the hall toward the bedroom. "Sure Dad. Help yourself to the OJ. I'll go get showered and then how about I get breakfast for you? I have stuff here to make waffles, or pancakes or eggs or whatever you want. I'd rather do that than go out. Be back in a couple".

"Sure Son, if that's what you want".

Chris left the room and Tim went to the fridge and poured himself some juice. He opened the dishwasher to put the empty glass in and noticed the dishes still unwashed in the racks. There were two plates, two glasses and two sets of silverware and some serving dishes. Hmm?

He walked over to the deck door, thinking he would check out the deck he had designed while he waited. Near the door he bent to pick up a couple piles of clothes. He found a blue shirt in Christopher's favourite colour and a man's maroon long sleeved cotton sweater that didn't look his style at all. He recognized now that Chris' scent when he hugged him had undertones of sex. Oh man, he _was_ intruding into his son's private life. He knew his son was gay, theoretically, but had never personally encountered evidence of it until now. Just as the urge to run back out the front door rolled over him, the bedroom door opened and Darren walked out, his hair still damp and curling from a recent shower.

He stared, unable to hide his shock.

Darren smiled shyly and said, _"_Hi Tim. Chris tells me you're his Dad. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Darren", he offered his hand.

"Hello Darren. I know who you are. We do watch the show. Pleased to meet you". Tim shook his hand. There was an awkward silence.

Darren's eyes went to the clothes in Tim's hand. He held out his hand and Tim passed them over, with a blush that looked so much like Chris' he had to hold back a smile, knowing it would have been misunderstood. He took the clothes, opened the bedroom door and tossed them onto the rumpled bed. His actions confirmed Chris and his relationship in Tim's mind. _Holy crap, they're sleeping together_!

Chris had showered already and was pulling on a T shirt with the sleep pants. He checked the mirror to make sure the welt on his collar bone was covered up and pushed the damp hair hanging down onto his forehead to the side. He looked up to see Darren's reflection in the doorway give him a look with his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his mouth as he rubbed the bite mark under his shirt. Chris shrugged and smirked back at him. Yeah, they were even.

He walked out of the bedroom, stood beside Darren and put his arm around his waist. "I guess you guys have met, kind of? Um, Dad this is Darren. Darren this is my Dad, Tim. Ok… so… maybe you could make some coffee, Darren, if you don't mind. It's in the freezer. What would you like for breakfast Dad"?

"I'm sorry Christopher and um…Darren. I didn't mean to intrude. I think I'll just head out of here and leave you guys… ah… yeah". Tim still was flushed and now Chris was flushing to match.

Darren perched carefully on the arm of the couch, watching them both and again had to hold back a smile at how similar they looked. Now he knew where Chris' colouring came from.

"Dad…ok, yeah, Darren stayed here last night, but please don't leave. It's not as if we wouldn't be making breakfast anyway! Please, you're not intruding".

"I think we'd both like you to stay, Tim, if you will". Darren added.

Tim looked from Chris to Darren. He swallowed visibly and with his eyebrows raised and his head tilted in a way that was again reminiscent of Chris, no, it was actually Kurt when he looked uncomfortable, he nodded.

Darren went to the kitchen, found the coffee and started a pot. Chris asked him to set the table too and as he did, he watched Tim, fascinated at the echoes he kept seeing.

Tim and Chris worked together in the kitchen, obviously not for the first time. They made waffles and eggs and ham and toast and a whole bowl of cut up fruit, laughing and kidding each other, hip bumping each other out of the way. It smelled amazing. Darren had had no idea he was so hungry. Chris' words from the night before saying he would need his strength ran through his head and he smiled. He would have liked the chance to wake Chris himself….Thoughts of how he might have done that were interrupted by his father passing him a plate of waffles. He looked at Darren's preoccupied smile curiously. _Shit, he had better watch himself_.

They ate far more than he would have thought. Chris was a good cook and now he knew where he had learned some of that. He poured himself another cup of coffee and helped Chris and Tim clean up.

They hadn't said much of importance to each other while he was there so he thought he would go out to the deck and give them a few minutes. He told them as much and went outside. There was a cool breeze blowing inland from the sea that made him wish he had brought a hoodie. He looked for a sheltered spot and found one near the south wall of the deck.

"I'm sorry Dad, if you're uncomfortable with Darren being here". Chris was careful not to apologize for Darren being there.

"You're an adult in your own home; you don't have anything to apologize for. It's just that…its hard for a parent to get used to the idea that their kid _has_ a sex life. But….I thought Darren was straight? "

"Yeah, well that's kind of a weird story. He is, I guess. Would you believe this started out with him method acting as Blaine, who _is_ gay? I guess you could call him bi-curious; he has some pretty casual attitudes to sex. "

"So he's _role_ playing! Wow. Now _that_ is devotion to your craft.'' He looked at Chris with a smile sneaking out the side of his mouth. Chris matched it with one just like it.

"What about you though; does he know how you feel about him"?

Chris' smile froze and he looked at his Dad with a stunned expression.

"How did you see what I've kept hidden from everybody else?"

"Don't forget, Christopher, I've known you a lot longer than they have. I could tell when you kissed in that episode. So, what about your heart"?

"He's _straight_ Dad! I'm going to take whatever he is willing to give me. This is already more than I ever hoped for. I know it has an expiry date and I'll have to deal with that when it happens. Till then, I'm going to love him in whatever way he'll let me".

Darren, tired of freezing his butt off out on the deck, returned in time to hear Chris' last speech. He stood shocked in the doorway. The breeze from the open door finally reached the kitchen and Chris turned to see the distress on Darren's face.

"My god, Chris, why didn't you tell me"?

"Cause you wouldn't have done this then, idiot. Can't we pretend you didn't hear that last bit"? He could feel Darren withdrawing, recoiling from him.

"Damn right, I wouldn't have! This was supposed to be research…. Friends with benefits! How am I supposed to forget it means something entirely different to you"? _Oh my god, he's in love with me?_

Chris walked to him and took his ice cold hands in his. He looked him in the eyes and said quietly, "It's a little late now, Dare. Can't we just go with it? We are good together, aren't we"?

"I don't know Chris. This isn't... I have to process this. Can I borrow a coat? I'm going for a walk to clear my head". He walked to the closet, grabbed a hoodie and his shoes and walked back out the door.

Chris watched him walk north toward the distant rocks visible from the deck. He turned to look at his father, then sighed and collapsed on the couch in misery, with the heels of his hands over his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8 Somewhere Only We Know

**Chapter 8 Somewhere Only We Know**

Tim hugged Chris and held him a couple minutes longer than a simple goodbye really merited before leaving to pick up the supplies that were the reason for his three and a half hour drive down from Clovis. Chris seemed to appreciate his unspoken sympathy. He wished him love again from his Mom and sister and left. It broke his heart to see his son in pain, but he had no idea of what to offer besides a hug. He had seemed so happy while they cooked together in the kitchen. He hoped that they could come to some kind of arrangement since the boys worked together.

Chris slumped on the couch with his arms around his knees. He watched the clouds over the ocean and thought of what he might say to Darren to convince him nothing had really changed. But it had. _Now he knows…I love him_. He couldn't believe how much this hurt. He knew now, he had been a fool to think he could handle sleeping with Darren and stay 'just friends'. He looked at the bedroom door and thought of the tumbled bed and felt his chest get so tight he couldn't breathe. He grabbed the throw from the back of the couch as he tipped over and scrunched it under his face. He wished he could just stay there and hide. He felt tears soak into the throw.

He heard the door open but didn't look up. Darren walked over to the couch and sat beside him where his bent legs made enough room. He put out his hand and put it on Chris' hip. Chris could feel the cold seep through to his skin.

"Ok Dweeble, come out of there. We have to talk".

Chris rose up on his elbow and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffed. His nose was running and he didn't have a tissue so Darren went to the bathroom and got some for him.

"Tell me what this is to you, Chris. Honestly. I need to know". _Please tell me your happiness doesn't depend on me._

"All right...I guess I've had a thing for you since before we even met. Then we worked together and sang together and it got worse and worse. The day we spent shooting that kiss, I could tell it was turning into even more. I tried so hard not to think of you like that, but I kept losing that battle. When you came to me and said you wanted to stay in Blaine's character and act like a couple, and to mess around with me, I thought I was gonna die on the spot. I asked Ashley for some anonymous advice; I didn't tell her it was about you. She quoted Shakespeare: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…so I went with that… I just couldn't say no. So yeah, I am in love with you, especially after last night. Can you deal with that?...Cause whatever we do now it's too late". _Please… Don't run away._

"I'm sorry. It never even entered my head that you might fall in love with me". _How clueless could I be? I only thought of myself_ _and freaking Blaine._

"Well yeah, cause in your world, guys don't love other guys. You wanted to know what it was like being gay. Well, this is my world and here they do". He sat up and rested his hand on Darren's arm. _I do love you. _

They sat silently together for a few minutes more and then Darren heaved a big sigh and said. "Alright, these are the options I can see here".

"One – I pack up and go back to the Wiltshire and we both pretend I never suggested this".

"Two – We continue what we started here today for as long as it works for us and I try my best not to hurt you too badly when this ends. Then it ends. You know that it will, right? I can't give you what you need, Chris. This was …great, but…I'm still straight."

"Three - We try to convert your feelings back to friendship and we stay friends for the rest of our lives. I don't know what the chances are for this one, but it's the one I'm hoping for. I don't want to lose you completely. What do you think? Do you see anything else"?

"No, I don't see anything else. I just know I don't want to lose you either_". God, I can't lose you._

"Oh man, you're killing me here, looking at me with tears in your lashes. … Chris, if we keep sleeping together we are headed for a major bust-up when you need more than I can give you. There's no future in this. You need to find somebody who can be your 'everything' and you never will if I'm taking up the place in your heart he should be in. So I think we should try for number three and try to hang on to our friendship… I don't think number one is an option for either of us. I know I'll never forget what we shared this weekend".

Chris nodded, knowing the night he shared with Darren was engraved in his heart, but he would have to learn to settle for what Darren was able to give him and be just his friend. _I'll never forget last night, never ever._

Darren got up and went into the bedroom and sat on the bed, mourning the loss of the intimacy Chris and he had found together last night. God, _I wish I had never heard Chris talking to his dad. _Chris followed him, seeing he was hurting too. He stood between Darren's knees and held his head and shoulders against his chest. Darren listened to his heart beating and thought to himself_. God, I'm so sorry._

Chris asked Darren to stay and just hang out together. Darren wondered aloud if they could do that, when the night was so fresh in their minds.

Chris shrugged and said "God, Darren, that's never gonna change. We may as well try to shift gears now. I'm an actor, aren't I? So I'm gonna act like your friend"._ I'm gonna try. I have to._

They went back to the living room and watched Tangled again, agreeing that the horse was their favourite character. Then they watched some TV shows Chris had recorded on TiVo and discussed all their favourite shows and the ones they thought sucked most.

They played PlayStation3 with music playing on shuffle in the background. Darren was fascinated with Chris' music collection. He hadn't met many people who had more music than he did. A few times one or the other or both of them sang along. Chris knew most of them.

They checked emails and messages and Chris texted his Dad that they had worked out a plan. They talked about their dreams and goals, the people they had loved and still loved, regrets, their perfect day-past and future and anything else that crossed their minds until the day turned into evening.

They went to the kitchen and cooked, and ate and cleaned up together, talking all the while. Afterward they went out and walked on the beach in the moonlight for a while 'til they were chilled through, and then thawed out soaking in the hot tub. They had some cheesecake around midnight and then finally went back to bed.

Chris pulled down the wall bed and Darren moved his things over to the other room. They lay in their beds with the connecting bathroom doors open, an ocean breeze wafting in through the door. Chris lay awake and thought of Darren so close and still so far away. His bed felt cold and barren and empty. He didn't even notice the tears as they rolled down his face and soaked into his pillow.

Darren tossed in his bed too, guilt haunting him. He beat himself up about thinking only of himself and hurting Chris so badly. Why the hell didn't he think of this happening? He had caught Chris watching him with a hungry look in his eye more than once, and dismissed it as desire. He had expected, if he was honest with himself, that Chris would appreciate his body. A lot of girls and quite a few of the gay guys he had worked with, never mind thousands of fans, had let him know they thought he was hot.

He knew he really liked being with Chris. He was sarcastically funny and sweet and intelligent and so freakin talented…god, he hoped he hadn't screwed up what they had together. Getting closer to Chris this weekend had backfired badly. He had found more than a best friend, more like a soul mate and now he might have lost him again. He finally drifted off to sleep still flooded with regret.

Sunday morning dawned cloudy and cool. Darren went to the kitchen and made coffee. He took a cup back to the bedroom and cruised through the books in the bookcase, knowing a person's books were another route to their soul. There was a thick folder on the desk with a blue cover. He lifted the corner and found a stack of printer pages. The cover page said 'For Never After, by Chris Colfer' He was sorely tempted to read a few pages but knew he had trespassed enough into Chris' private world. He closed the folder and took down a book and was staring at blankly at it when Chris leaned in the bathroom door frame, his eyes looking hollow.

"Hi"

"Hi…bad night?"

"Yeah…I've had…better ones. I think after breakfast we'll pack up and I'll drive you back to town... I was wrong. I can't do this anymore". He turned and closed the bathroom door and Darren heard the shower turn on. Darren wished he could just go to him and hold him, but that wouldn't help either of them.

He packed up his stuff and waited for the blow dryer to turn off in the bathroom and Chris' bedroom door to close again, signalling his turn. He dressed for the first time since Friday night. You know you had a good time when….yeah. Neither of them was very hungry so they just had some toast and fruit. The air felt oppressive and it would probably rain later. There was so much he wished he could to say to Chris and no way to say it without making it worse.

They went to the car and the garage door opened slowly. Neither talked much on the way back into the city. Chris let Darren out of the car around the corner from the same coffee shop he had picked him up at. Darren watched the car drive off and shook his head. He wouldn't have believed it if someone told him a week ago he could feel like this about a guy. They were so comfortable with each other it scared him and he already missed him terribly. It had been strangely like making love to another side of himself.

Chris slept the sleep of the exhausted Sunday night but woke an hour and a half before his alarm went off in the early morning gloom. He felt achy all over and the twinges were echoed in his chest. He had always thought 'heartache' was just a romantic term. He decided to go for an early morning run on the beach to get some of the fumph out of his head. It didn't help much cause he went through his morning routine seeing Darren's memory everywhere he looked.

The drive into the city passed quickly and he arrived at the studio in record time. This morning there was an early choreography call at 8.00 am in the dance studio where they rehearsed most of the dance routines. Ashley and Heather were there early too. Ashley took one look at him and started smiling. She asked coyly, "How was your weekend, Boo"?

He blushed as he turned away from her to hang his jacket up and she crowed. "Chrisy-Boo got some! Chrisy-Boo got some! "

Heather laughed with Ashley as Mark, Cory and Chord walked in together. _Oh great._

"Am I hearing right?" Cory said. "Seriously man, you hooked up? "

"Yeah, I did. Ok? Subject closed".

"What subject is closed?" Asked Lea and Diana as they walked in together too, arm in arm. Naya and Jenna followed right behind.

"Chris got some nooky on the weekend. We're just happy for you, Boo, so you can stop being so pissy now". Ashley poked him in the arm.

He mumbled and muttered about people sticking their noses in his business, but realized they really were happy that he had made a connection, so he tried not to be too bitchy. They knew he had been lonely for a long time and couldn't know how badly it had turned out. He decided to go with the silent treatment and just ignored all their questions.

Zach, Brooke, Kevin, and Harry joined them and were filled in too. He couldn't believe what a big deal they made over it. These people needed to get a life! They tried for almost an hour to get him to tell them who it was while they went through the new routine and then they spent another 20 minutes guessing outrageous potential lovers for him. Then it started all over again when his shirt got pulled over during one of their dance moves and Amber noticed the still vivid hickey on his collar bone. Yup it was a whopper, he agreed, pokerfaced during their teasing inspection.

Thank God he was the only one who noticed that Ashley was uncharacteristically quiet. Darren was not one of the possibilities considered, thank God. He probably would have blushed carmine red and then he would be dead in the water. These guys knew him way too well. Then he recalled when Diana started dating a new guy and they all dissected him verbally while Diana loudly objected. I guess that's what family does; they get in your business 'cause they care about you.

He asked Ashley to join him in his trailer for lunch. She nodded and winked at him. As soon as they got back with their food she turned to him grinning and said "So, tell me all about it".

He turned away from her and got a couple of Diet Cokes from his fridge, steeling himself to tell her. "Well…to sum it up, it hit both ends of the emotional spectrum. It was freaking amazing and then it super-sucked. He doesn't want to… be together".

"What happened, Hon; I thought you and he were in to each other?"

"Yeah… Well, that was a huge mistake. He wanted a fuck buddy, and when he found out I wanted more from him he said he couldn't deal with that".

"But you did…get together?"

"Geeze Ash…what am I gonna do?" His face crumpled. He turned and walked a couple steps away from her and she heard him trying to choke back sobs.

She went to him and he fell apart in her arms. She knew she couldn't do any more than this for him and the tears rolled down her face too. He vented some of his agony for a while and then she got some tissues for both of them.

"I'm sorry Chris. I feel responsible. I should have never encouraged you to go for it. You knew it might end up this way, didn't you?"

He drew a shuddering breath as he tried to pull himself together. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose. "Yeah, I guess I did… But you know what? No matter how bad it is now, the amazing part, the first night...holy shit, Ashley, it was so worth this".

She laughed doubtfully. "Wow, that's saying something".

He nodded and took another quavering breath. "I'll be ok… eventually. We're going to try to stay friends, so at least we haven't lost each other completely. I just have to learn to _not_ think of that night every time I look at him. God….How am I ever gonna do that? I never even dreamed loving somebody could be that…freaking incredible".

"The same way you just suck it up and do everything you do. Try to eat something, Hon. We've gotta go back in 15 more minutes and it's a long time till dinner".

He nodded and picked at his lunch but he really wasn't hungry. The day finally ended and he went home to his silent house and walked on the beach until the sun was down.

He saw Darren the next day. They were shooting the scene where the Warblers serenaded his return to McKinley with Blaine singing "Somewhere Only We Know" to Kurt. The pain in Darren's eyes as he sang of sharing their own world together brought tears to his eyes too. He choked out his line, saying he would never say goodbye to him, meaning it with his whole heart. They had to shoot it three times before he could say it clearly enough for the director to be sure they had a usable scene. He kept falling apart when Darren put his arms around him. It was the toughest scene he had ever done. Only Darren knew the truth when his cast mates teased him about overacting.

SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW

– **Darren and The Warblers**

**.com/watch?v=1xiCbUqEENs**

**I walked across an empty land**

**I knew the pathway like the back of my hand**

**I felt the earth beneath my feet**

**Sat by the river and it made me complete**

**O simple thing, where have you gone?**

**I'm getting old and I need something to rely on**

**So tell me when you're gonna let me in**

**I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin**

**I came across a fallen tree **

**I felt the branches looking back at me**

**Is this the place we used to love?**

**Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?**

**Oh simple thing where have you gone?**

**I'm getting old and I need something to rely on**

**So tell me when you're gonna let me in**

**I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin**

**And if you have a minute why don't we go**

**Talk about it somewhere only we know**

**This could be the end of everything **

**So why don't we go somewhere only we know**

**Somewhere only we know**

**And if you have a minute **

**Why don't we go talk about it,**

**Somewhere only we know?**

**So why don't we go**

**Somewhere only we know?**

Darren didn't have any more scenes for the next couple of weeks and he went back to Chicago to work on his new show. He was having his own issues with his memories of the night he had spent with Chris. His friends noticed the normally frenetic and bubbly guy he usually was had gone AWOL. He spent his nights with his guitar reliving them and trying to analyse why he just couldn't let go of the memories till he passed out on his couch. It felt like everybody else was faded to grey and only…Chris was in Technicolor. So often he thought of what Chris would say about this or wouldn't Chris laugh about that. He went out a couple times with a girl in the cast who had made it very clear she was into him, but she seemed really pushy to him when she suggested she stay the night at his place. He really wasn't into her that way.

Chris' emotions weren't so raw when he knew he wouldn't run into him on the lot. Ashley stopped treating him like he had been ill and they relaxed back into their usual teasing friendship. But, next up was the Prom episode and Darren would be in quite a few scenes with him. Chris hoped he had healed enough to hold it together.

Chris'd had discussions with Lou and the Wardrobe department regarding his costume for Prom. He had asked RIB privately early in the season if he could have some input over his wardrobe and they had conceded, somewhat. For the last few months of this season he had worn the staid Dalton blazer and slacks a lot, and would miss them in a weird way. That was one of the big differences between Kurt and Chris. He liked to blend in-and Kurt sure didn't. Some of the things they had picked out for him in the first season were just way out of his comfort zone. He understood the need for Kurt to be on the edge, but not to go over it.

They settled on the kilt and jacket with the high-top laced Docs for the Prom but _he_ insisted on the knit skinny jeans underneath, since he tried twirling in front of a mirror and saw way too much going on. The whole world was _not_ entitled to check out his underwear. He kind of liked the look, if he told the truth. Cory's line saying he looked like 'A Gay Braveheart' was right on. Though he had never wanted to wear women's clothes he loved the swish of the pleats on that kilt.

The first scene they had together was when Kurt asked Blaine to the prom. He held Darren's hand and said his lines, doing his best to not feel the fingers in his hand and not to speak to Darren. He recalled his own prom and the girl he had asked to go with him. It was her hand he held and her he spoke to. She was a friend and his heart was safe.

Darren's second scene in the Prom episode had Darren sitting with Cory on the Hummel's couch and Mike was in the recliner facing them. Mike had some dialog and then he was supposed to enter in his 'Prom' outfit. He minimized the eye contact with Darren and was successful in staying in character. Darren seemed to be avoiding his eyes too. He got across the pain from Blaine being bullied but Chris knew that the Kurt/Blaine connection was missing. Their director Eric knew there was something missing too but he couldn't seem to find it. They did the scene five times before he nodded and said they would go on.

Darren stopped him later in the Gym set where most of the Prom scenes would be shot. He was in his Tux and Chris couldn't help the rush that went through him. He looked fabulous and his arms ached with the effort of not putting them around him.

"Hey, Chris. Got a minute?"

"Sure. What's up?" he said, trying to sound cool.

"I miss you. Are we going to avoid each other? I was hoping we could be together without …stuff getting in the way". _He looks so…miserable. Does he miss me, too?_

"I think I'm getting a little better at being around you without…remembering stuff. So yeah, let's try to work back to where we used to be". He was lying…He still couldn't be near him without remembering the feel of his body against his, his arching body and the sounds he made when… _No!…Do… not… go…there. Oh god…_

Darren sat down beside him and began to tell him about his progress on the newest Starkid production he was trying to get organized. He listened with half his concentration and acted as if he wasn't watching every move of Darren's hands and his leg, jumping with the energy that was always trying to escape him. He told Darren about his own progress on the movie he was setting up production on. More of the cast joined them and the conversation became more general, with Ashley and everybody else, making fun of her Lemon Meringue dress, during the scene where the girls tried on dresses for Kurt's approval.

They went through the scenes for the episode without anyone knowing how far he had to stretch his acting chops. Besides playing Kurt, he had to suppress the raw emotions leaking out every time he got close to Darren. He ended up asking him if he would do the hallway scene at the prom sitting on the floor in the hall. He couldn't stay focused with Darren holding him the way the scene was originally set up and Ian luckily cut the kiss when the scene was rewritten. He knew there was _no_ way he could have done the kiss scene….

The original script portrayed Kurt as a wimped out gay queen dancing to Abba's Dancing Queen. Blaine was supposed to convince Kurt to go back and accept the nomination. He asked them to rewrite so it was Kurt's decision. It had to come from Kurt's inner strength. It turned out alright in the end.

The scene where Darren asked him to dance was short and he was _supposed_ to look uncomfortable. Being held in his arms without being able to…it was so…hard. The rest of the dance scenes, they did side by side for the camera angle with only their hands in contact and he finally got through it without his body betraying him and letting Darren know the kind of pain he was in.

The next two episodes, Rumours and Funeral, Darren wasn't in at all, thank god. Then it was time for the season finale, the Nationals episode, with location shots all over New York City, and fans screaming from every side. It was so intense it was Beatlesque. Then they returned to LA and finished the last few scenes and recorded the music for the episode. Darren had to fly in for one day to shoot the last scene in the episode.

It was the scene where Kurt told Blaine about their trip to New York and the high points of their visit. At the end of their dialogue Blaine was supposed to say "I love you" and his next line was "I love you, too". Yeah, life was ironic sometimes... He sucked it up, again, and did it but it didn't ring true. He had learned from the "Somewhere Only We Know" scene that he couldn't allow his real emotions to get involved.

And that was a wrap for the year. Darren was invited to the wrap-up party the cast and crew had to celebrate their second wildly successful year. He did attend but left early to catch his plane and they didn't speak.

The crew were so marvellous and didn't get nearly the love they should have. He was convinced that any number of the thousands of talented people in LA _could_ have played the students in the Glee production, but the Glee production crew was special. It just would not have been the success it was without them. He made sure they knew how much he appreciated them.

He flew to New York, to accept the Time 100 Award that somehow he got nominated for, and then went to a White House press dinner. He did a couple other personal appearances with no time left over to see Darren and then returned to LA to close up his house and set up security for the six weeks he would be away on the Glee Live tour. He would be working with Darren almost every day so he would have to grow some calluses over his slowly healing heart, since their night together.


	9. Chapter 9 The Tour

**A/N: To those of you annoyed at Darren for hurting Chris, please keep in mind that he is extremely confused by his feelings and hurting nearly as much. He may have gotten into this being oblivious to Chris, but now he is in just as deep and now he ends up screwing up again trying to find his way ****out. Let's hope he figures it out soon.**

**A/N: BTW has everybody seen the tumblr pictures of Chris on the Struck By Lightning set? Foly Huck, our young man is all grown up! ****Check out: chris colfer news .com (without the spaces) and scroll down, down, down and down. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 9Tour <strong>

Their first stop on the tour was in Vegas. They were at the Madalay Bay Hotel. It was a freaking mind-blowing place to stay, with every legal luxury known to man, and quite a few illegal ones too, available to those who could pay… and he could. The hookers weren't obvious, but they were there. They were mostly beautiful women, but a few were impossibly gorgeous guys, for the rich `cougars' and for the guys who were into them. Who knew hookers watched TV? They were fans too and several offered their services for free to their favourite cast members. A certain member of the cast, (with a Mohawk) even took them up on their offers and went on and on about the amazing lady he had spent some time with.

A tall debonair brunet, who looked like he should be cast as the lead in a Bond movie, got into the elevator with him and moved up close. "Hey, Chris Colfer. I'm Ethan and I am such a big fan of yours". He stood beside Chris with his hand on his arm and smiled into Chris' eyes as he murmured. '"If you're here alone tonight I would love to keep you company. It would make _me_ very happy to make _you_ very happy".

Chris closed his eyes and tried to picture taking Ethan back to his room and letting him give him a little peace from the memories that haunted him nightly. But when he imagined someone in his bed, the smile and the body was always Darren's. He stepped away from Ethan and thanked him politely for his offer but said he needed to get some rest.

He _did_ need his rest. Rehearsing for the show was hard work. They had to recreate the choreography for each number and work out the positioning, the lights and the music production. They would be singing most of the numbers live while they danced. That was incredibly hard work, walking a fine line between dancing and singing without losing your breath. RIB wanted to give the fans what they wanted to thank them for the enormous success they were experiencing.

Everything was going smoothly except for one small mishap during rehearsal for the skit he did with Heather and Darren. He was sitting on the stage and slipped backward. His arm was supporting his weight and as he went over backward he could feel the deltoid muscle in the back of his shoulder pulling, and then it popped with a sharp searing pain. He rolled to his side holding his shoulder with his other hand, waiting for the pain to fade. It didn't, so the medic that travelled with them was called.

He lifted, lowered and bent his arm and felt along the muscle till he found the spot that felt as if a knife was stuck in it. He diagnosed a pulled or torn muscle and told him to ice it and take some Ibuprofen to help with the swelling. Oh, and he should rest the arm. Chris looked at him incredulously. The show must go on, he knew, so he worked around it. He wore a sling on his arm when he wasn't rehearsing or performing to rest it and had to hold the mic in his left hand. He just dealt with the pain during the choreography for Born this Way and Single Ladies, where he was front and centre and all eyes were on him. It meant that it would take much longer for his arm to recover, but with lots of Ibuprofen he got by.

One of the biggest fan favourites was the Single Ladies number. It somehow seemed raunchier than it did last year. Maybe it was the way the fans made him feel so sexy when he saw the obvious appreciation in the audience's faces. Performing in a studio, you didn't get the feedback from the fans and he had long ago stopped checking the internet to find out what the fans thought. It was freaking _creepy _what some of them thought; there were no end of perv's out there and there were still lots of people hating on him for who and what he was.

He, Darren, Cory and Lea in particular had a lot of numbers to get through and they were exhausted every night. There were over fifty shows they would do in three countries and he hoped they would all get through the next six weeks without dropping from exhaustion. When he was overtired he tended to sleep-walk and that was scary. God knew where he might end up, so he'd brought a bottle of prescription sleeping pills and took them every night. Getting to sleep wasn't the problem since he did that every time he stopped moving. It was _staying_ asleep that was the problem. He tended to wake up after three or four hours and then lie awake for hours. On the positive side that was when he did his best writing.

Friday night arrived and the show went off without any major hitches. The fans did a lot of screaming, particularly with the Single Ladies number. He got into it and gave 'em what they wanted, shakin' his booty, and the pain from his arm faded away when the endorphins flooded his body. He was starting to understand a little of what the Beatles and other big bands went through and was pretty sure it didn't matter what he sounded like, they would have screamed any way.

The Klaine skit Heather, Darren and he did to let the fans know that Darren would probably be joining the McKinley Glee club was so ridiculously campy it wasn't hard at all to disassociate from himself and Darren and simply have Kurt talk to Blaine instead. Darren watched him with his warm amber eyes and a smile on his face; he was happy to see Chris relax a little and have fun again.

Finally the last number died away, they did their line bow and left the stage area. Brad and Ryan were there to supervise the first show and check that everything went well. They were throwing an after party to celebrate the nearly flawless performance they had given. They were all punch-drunk from the adulation the fans had given them. He was flying high with adrenalin too and he needed to run a few miles or fight somebody or fuck somebody…or maybe dance. Not a good mix with alcohol, but that's how he ended up half tanked, dancing his ass off with anybody who would dance with him, his only reasonable option.

Everybody else had the same rush and there were lots of the crew and cast dancing and singing along to the pounding music. Chris was watching Darren as he danced with Heather out of the corner of his eye, which was kind of funny since she was about four inches taller than him in her heels. Heather could dance for hours with the `hardbody' she kept in top condition. Good thing too, cause everybody wanted to dance with her.

Darren thought Heather should be cast in bronze as a tribute to beautiful women everywhere. She was the best distraction he could find so he had asked her to dance with him. When she asked him why he had been so quiet for the last few days, he told her he wasn't sleeping very well and was still overtired from working on his production and she nodded sympathetically.

Adam Lambert's 'Sleepwalker' was playing and Darren thought _his_ words explained his recent change in demeanour far better. '_It's like I can't even feel after the way you touched me. I'm not asleep but I'm not awake after the way you loved me'. _The man knew of what he spoke! He shook his head, wondering if he would _ever_ get back to normal again. He got another drink to help him relax and enjoy the party instead of mooning over something that wasn't good for anybody. The first few drinks hadn't kicked in yet, though he noticed his coordination seemed to be deteriorating.

Chris was dancing with Ashley, who could sense the tension in him, and tried her best to keep up. She got tired eventually and said she needed a break. He nodded to her and danced over to Amber and asked her to dance. Just then a slow dance came on and he held her in his arms and they swayed together, both alone in their heads. She was missing the guy she had recently started to date and wasn't nearly the fun she used to be to hang around with, but then, neither was he. At the end of their dance she shook her head 'no', she didn't want a drink, so he left her and went over to the table stocked with a variety of alcohol and mix.

The bartender gave him a double rum and Diet Coke and he took it with him, dancing over to Ryan. Ryan laughed at him, as Chris tried to krunk to the music, realizing he was half in the bag. He asked Ryan if he would dance with him but his laughing response was that he would take a pass. "Live it up, man", Chris said bumping his hip against Ryan's to the music. "Come on and play with the kids." Ryan shrugged and relented. They went on to the floor and danced to the 'Ke dollar sign ha' number, TikTok. Haha! Chris decided to tip up his drink and down it so he would stop slopping it all over the floor and then set the glass in a handy palm tree. He hardly felt his arm twinge at all.

Ryan caught sight of Brad nearby, recalled something he wanted to ask him about and looked for somebody to pass Chris off to. Darren was walking by with a fresh drink and he looked like he was three sheets to the wind too. Ryan thought Chris and he deserved to keep each other company. He stepped back three steps, snagged Darren's sleeve and hauled him over to Chris. "Here, dance with him," he said and made his escape.

Chris and Darren met each other's eyes and nodded hesitantly. They danced three feet away from each other for a couple songs and then eventually relaxed in each other's company for the first time in a month. The music slowed and Darren followed his impulse to move closer and put his arms around Chris. Chris was wary of being that close to Darren but he survived the slow dance pretty well and his confidence grew; he could do this.

At 1:00 am the lights went down low. The staff started collecting glasses that people had left in palm trees and on every other surface. Most of the cast weren't ready yet to stop partying so they went to Ryan's suite. He wasn't ready to go there yet but he said they could use the big reception room of his suite to party in, as long as they didn't trash it. The music was now the Glee music on the IPod system Ryan travelled with. The sound quality was amazing for such a little thing.

Kevin, Mark, Harry, Cory and Chord and all the girls except for Jenna were there too; she'd said she had a headache and had gone to bed. Some of the booze went with them too, and everyone danced 'cause they knew if they stopped, they would drop. Then the music got quieter and so did the crowd. The Warbler guys had decided earlier to go to their own rooms, where they could relax. They weren't comfortable hanging out with the management for too long and some of them didn't drink at all.

Darren and Chris were still wrapped around each other, holding each other up as they swayed to the music in an alcoholic fog. All Chris could think of was that it felt so good to be in Darren's arms again and he sighed with contentment. Darren looked into his eyes and Chris met his gaze with eyes full of desire. Darren leaned toward him and their lips met. They kissed and Darren started nuzzling his neck, kissing the crease below the scar on his neck in that spot that he knew made Chris crazy. Chris softly moaned and his hands tightened on Darren's shoulders, pulling him closer to kiss him again. When Darren's hips met his he hissed into Chris' mouth.

Heather glanced over while she danced with Cory and then snapped her gaze back to Chris and Darren. Holy shit, were they making out? They were! She leaned over and nudged Kevin and Diana with a nod toward the two in the corner, so obviously into each other. She whispered ``_When did that happen_?" Kevin poked Mark and Naya who pointed them out to Chord and Amber. Ashley had noticed their stares as she spoke to Harry and couldn't believe her eyes! They all were watching closely but trying not to be obvious about it. They were used to Darren and Chris being together as Blaine and Kurt, but this was a new development. Kurt and Blaine didn't try to stick their tongues down each other's throats or hump each other… as far as they knew.

Ashley watched Chris' face as Darren kissed his neck and saw the desire written there. Holy Hell…It was Darren he had had that weekend hook-up with! She was sure of it. Darren knew _exactly_ how to work Chris and they were quickly getting past PG and into an R rating, with their hips grinding and their hands pulling at their clothes. Crap, it looked like Darren was getting ready to strip Chris' shirt off him right here. She knew how Chris would feel about this in the morning and took it upon herself to stop them before more shit happened they all regretted.

She went over to the two wrapped obliviously around each other and tapped Darren on the shoulder. He didn't even notice her. She tried poking Chris' arm then, forgetting it was his sore one. He jerked away as he opened his eyes and tried to focus on Ashley's face a couple feet from his. She said "Do you really want to be doing this right here, right now? You're still performing for an audience".Chris looked over at his friends and saw them trying not to look… but still looking. When he looked back to Darren, his eyes were still unfocused and dark with desire. Reality landed with a thud.

"Fuck, Darren!" he said, his face still showing the need he was trying to conquer when he turned and ran out of the room. Darren grasped through his fog of confusion that Chris had left and that he had been mauling him in a room full of people. Jesus, what an ass he was. He looked over at the crowd of friends who were still watching him. "Sorry guys" he mumbled and left too. Ashley shook her head and said "I'm done here. I'm gonna go to bed".

When she headed for the elevator she found Chris and Darren arguing, with Chris repeatedly punching the elevator button as he spoke. He was trying to ignore the searing pain from his arm. "You can't just play me like a fucking game whenever you get horny, Darren! You need to make up your mind about what we are 'cause I can't handle you sayin you don't want me and then you do that." He motioned back to the room they just left, tears running down his face.

"God, I'm sorry Babe. It's not like I planned for that to happen. Shit, do you think I would have done that in a roomful of people if I had been making thought-out decisions? I was pissed up and I'm sorry; I _do_ care about you_". _

The elevator finally opened and Ryan stood there, eyes wide and mouth open, as he saw two of his lead actors in a battle. What the fuck was going on?

"Don't...call…me…Babe! You don't have that right!… I love you, remember? I would be happy to fuck you senseless for the rest of your life but _you're_ the guy who wanted a test drive and then didn't want to buy the car. You need to stay the hell away till you make up your mind what the fuck you want from me!"

Ryan looked from Chris to Darren. _Oh shit, this sounded serious. But first, we get it out of the hallway_. Ashley just shrugged when he looked at her and he nodded to the elevator. She left.

"Come with me. We're gonna talk about this." He said as he grabbed both of them by the sleeves and dragged them back to his suite. When he got there he found most of the rest of his cast standing and talking. There was dead silence when he came in hauling Chris and Darren behind him, so he was pretty sure that was who the conversation had been about. He parked Chris in one of the chairs around the small table at the window and Darren in the other. He turned to the crowd and said, "Thank you, the party is over...Good night".

They looked at each other and then filed out quietly. Amber walked close to Chris and touched his shoulder. He didn't meet her eyes and sat stiffly, looking like he wanted to cry. Darren was sitting bent over, holding his head in his hands with his elbows on the table, occasionally running his fingers through his hair. The door clicked closed after the last person left.

"Ok, now talk to me. Chris, you first. What the hell is going on here?"

Chris shook his head in frustration and banged his fist on the table. That was _such_ a dumb move; the pain shot up his arm and his shoulder throbbed. He grabbed his shoulder and rocked in his pain and misery.

"Did that help? You still have to tell me what has you so worked up".

Chris nodded and tried to focus most of his attention on the lipstick smudge on a half empty glass on the table in front of him. "Darren and I…we spent a weekend together …He wanted to know what it's like being gay. I shouldn't have done it 'cause I already was…way past the crush stage with him, but after that I…Oh god, do I have to say it?"

"I think you already did. You're in love with him?"

"Yes, I… love him".

"Darren?"

"It's like he said. I wanted to know more about being gay. I thought it would help me with portraying Blaine. And yes, I guess I was curious about sex with a guy. Chris and I have always gotten along well and I thought…well, I thought he was hot. If I did it with anybody, I wanted to do it with him".

Chris looked at Darren as if he had just been slapped. Ryan looked at Darren, considering his words carefully.

"When I found out that Chris was… in love with me… I thought we should try to cool it. I knew I wasn't the guy who could be his everything so we decided to try to go back to being friends".

"And that's where you left it? When did this happen?"

"About a month ago"

"So what set you off tonight, Chris?"

"We were dancing together...Bad move. I can't think straight when he…touches me. Then a slow dance came on and he pulled me up close. We kissed and we…started making out. Right here, in front of them all. If Ashley hadn't stopped us I don't know what …

"So, that might have been me that inspired all this when I paired you up to dance together? Shit. Darren, is that what you remember?"

"I guess. I really don't remember all the details. I do know that the night we spent together in Chris' bed has been…on my mind… a lot. When we were close like that I just…wanted him again. And the booze kind of inactivated my filter".

"So, Darren if I have this right, you propositioned him to have sex with you, and he was too blind with ardour to say 'no'. Then when you found out he cared for you, you turned tail and left him sitting high and dry. Then when you got horny, you jumped him again. Is that about right?"

Darren cringed at Ryan's bitter summary but he nodded yes and slumped lower in his chair. "Yes...I am such a dick. I'm so sorry, Chris". He knew he had hurt Chris again…when that was the _last_ thing he wanted to do.

Chris said, "Wait, I don't think he meant…we agreed it probably wasn't...and we _both_ were pissed up… I guess I could have walked away any time". Chris found himself defending Darren.

"Yeah, I guess you could have… Do you think it was the booze that got you both in trouble tonight?"

Darren looked at Chris, who glanced quickly toward him and then away. They both looked back to Ryan and nodded yes.

"What do you think would be a good solution for while we are on this tour and the whole team has to depend on you two?"

"We don't get drunk", they said together, both feeling like they were misbehaving kids being sent up to the principal's office.

"Damn right, you don't", Ryan growled at them. "Next, I want you to talk to your team mates and do some damage control. Are you going to tell them you got it on at your place one night Chris and it was a mistake or just tell them you got drunk and horny tonight? I think you still have a choice at this point, although Ashley heard you say you loved him…and more. If you get to her in time I think you can contain this, if you still want to".

Darren looked to Chris to find out how he felt, but he wouldn't look back at him.

"And Darren, I think you need to address your…feelings for Chris. Do you or don't you care about him? It sounds a lot to me like you do and you're in denial about it. Are you sure you can't be his guy? Or are you just afraid to take that leap off the security of being straight? And then it's complicated by the Glee thing. If you do end up a couple, you will have one hell of a lot of 'splainin' to do to the press. And there are always those paranoids who are going to say we turned you gay! What a fucking fiasco! God damn it! I _so_ did not need this".

Pissed off as he was, his heart still ached for Chris whom he loved like the son he would never have. He was so _much_ like he had been when he was a kid. He had once even been in love with a straight guy himself and knew his pain, except the man he loved had never let him make love with him like Darren had with Chris, thank God. He really wished this hadn't happened, but he was aware of the risk of them getting involved when he had hired Darren to play opposite Chris. He had finally started relaxing recently after they had worked together for so long with no apparent problems. Too soon, it appeared.

"Chris, text Ashley and ask her to keep her mouth shut". He got out his phone and did it.

"Ok, go to bed now and sober up. I want you two to decide what you will say and talk to the rest of them by noon tomorrow or sooner. We leave at 1:00 pm so they will be all contained in the lounge by noon. That's your last opportunity".

The music still played in the background. Once again Chris thought, _why does my life have a music score?_

MISERY

– _**Chris to Darren .com/watch?v=zViTMsJn3vI**_

**Oh Yeah, So scared of breakin' it that you won't let it bend**

**And I wrote two hundred letters that I will never send**

**Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem**

**You'd rather cover up and I'd rather let them be**

**So let me be and I'll set you free**

**I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me**

**Oh yeah Why won't you answer me?**

**The silence is slowly killin' me**

**Oh yeah Girl you really got me bad, you really got me back**

**Now I'm gonna get you back I'm gonna get you back**

**Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine**

**The way it feels to be completely intertwined**

**Not that I didn't care it's that I didn't know**

**It's not what I didn't feel; it's what I didn't show**

**So let me be and I'll set you free**

**I am in misery; there ain't nobody who can comfort me**

**Oh yeah, Why won't you answer me**

**The silence is slowly killin' me**

**Oh yeah, Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad**

**Now I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back**

**You say your faith is shaken**

**And you may be mistaken**

**You keep me wide awake and waitin' for the sun**

**I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you**

**I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to go**

**Why do you do what you do to me?**

**Why won't you answer me?**

**Why do you do what you do to me?**

**Why won't you answer me?**

**I am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me**

**Oh yeah Why won't you answer me**

**The silence is slowly killin' me**

**Why do you do what you do to me?**

**Why won't you answer me?**


	10. Chapter 10 Movin' On

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, its characters or the characters of the real people's persona I borrowed.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 Movin' On <strong>

Considering he didn't get to bed till 3.00 am and that he had drunk _way_ too much, his wake-up call at 10 am was _not_ welcome. Chris had answered the phone and then banged it back into the cradle when he heard the recorded message and pain shot into his shoulder. The noise hurt his throbbing head. So did the light coming in the drapes he hadn't closed last night.

"Oh my god, please just let me die_", _he moaned. He lay there, trying to ignore the pounding in his head and the pain in his arm, when he heard further pounding on the door. "Please stop…" he whimpered. The pounding sounded again; he knew the only way it would stop was if he answered the door.

He threw the covers back and sat up very slowly. His head and his arm stayed on… More pounding. "I'm coming" he snarled under his breath. He rose and walked carefully to the door. He opened it after fiddling with the frustrating chain thing to find the waiter just raising his fist to pound again. He said "Good Morning, Sir. I have your breakfast" Chris closed his eyes as he backed away behind the door and let the waiter in.

Cory was walking by in the hallway and took the opportunity to deke in behind the waiter. Chris looked down and noticed he was entertaining this morning wearing just his snug knit boxers. Crap. The waiter sailed on into the room, set the tray on the table and opened the drapes all the way. He began to set up the silverware and arrange the plates and then he poured the coffee.

Chris put his hand over his eyes to help block the blinding light. Cory stood just inside the door with a big grin on his face and his thumbs hooked in his jean pockets. "Man, you were seriously soused last night! How're ya doing now?"

The waiter slid out behind Cory and left the room. He was very familiar with hung over guests and felt some sympathy for the obviously suffering young man. As he left, Chris remembered he should have tipped him. Crap.

"Unnng", he grunted and moved his hand up to his forehead to help support his head. He turned around and went back toward the bed, trying to locate his pants. _Where the hell were they? Man, he felt grim. _"Cory, do you have any Tylenol or Advil or anything?" He had used up all of his and hadn't yet picked up another bottle.

"Yeah, I thought you might need some. Here's some Advils_". _Cory passed over a bottle to him.

"Oh, thanks …I love you, man",he mumbled as he shook out four and swallowed them with some water from the tray he wasn't going to eat any of.

"Yeah, sure; you're spreading it around lately". Cory laughed his dirty joke cackle.

He reviewed what Cory had said in his head, looking for the joke. _"_What? What are you talking about?"

"You mean you don't remember tonguing Darren and feelin' up his ass while you were humpin' him? Man, it was hot! I wish I had thought to video it; you coulda' caught it on UTube. Maybe somebody else got it".

_Oh my God_…He dropped to the bed, recalling now in vivid detail exactly what Darren and he were doing with each other in front of all their friends_. _"Oh, sweet Jesus_" _he collapsed back into the bed and pulled the pillow over his head.

Cory laughed like a maniac at the horrified look on Chris' face as he keeled over backward.

"Please, please tell me you're kidding about the UTube thing?"He begged from under the pillow.

"Hey man, we're your friends, we wouldn't sell you out. But you're lucky you didn't pull that action till you were upstairs with nobody else there but us. Holy shit! Where did that come from? I thought he was straight… Not so much, I guess, eh? He was humpin' you right back and he was into it. Do you guys like, fuck or what?"

"Geeze Cory, we were both pissed".

"Yeah?...Well, lots of people have been pissed around you too and they haven't tongued you…or humped you...or fucked you... So do you?"

"Give it a rest, would you? I wouldn't have left him standing there if we were, would I?"

"I guess. But you are the one who left. He woulda' done it".

"What the hell do you know about it? It's not like with a girl, that you can screw when she's totally tanked; it kinda takes some cooperation. Shit, I don't believe…I am not going to discuss this with you anymore. Go away. I need a shower. "

Cory snickered and, leaving a couple more Advil for him for later, took the bottle with him when he left; he was pretty sure he would find more people who would want some.

After his shower, Chris knew the Advil he had taken were kicking in 'cause his arm had recovered enough for him to even shave with his right hand. As he went through his morning routine, his head started feeling better, too. He recalled Ryan's ultimatum. It was already 10.35. He dressed in his comfort clothes again, jeans and a T-shirt with a shirt over it and then went into overdrive and packed up all his stuff into his luggage. He was careful to wrap the glass rose from Darren in the bubble wrap he had saved for that purpose and tuck it inside a shoe.

He texted Darren to see if he was up and functioning yet. They needed a plan. Ashley had texted back in response to his message last night, saying of course she wouldn't say anything to anyone and that he should have known that without asking. Greaaat, now she was pissed off at him too. It was shaping up to be a wonderful day.

His phone tweetled the 'Soul Sisters' tone that meant it was Darren. He had texted saying he was packed and could he come to his room to talk. He responded 'k, 2422' and finished up his own packing. They were coming for the luggage any minute.

Darren arrived at the same time as the bell man for the luggage. They waited till he had left with the bags and then Darren and he went to the window to sit. _God, he looked like crap._ He offered the two extra Advil to Darren who gratefully accepted them. His eyes looked bruised, they were so red and hung over. He found himself feeling sorry for him, though he was still hurt and angry. He poured a fresh cup of coffee for him and then finished the orange juice himself. He buttered one of the croissants and tore off a hunk with his teeth. He was feeling decidedly better. He offered the other croissant to Darren, who shook his head.

"Chris, I want to apologize. I should never have started that and then...it got way out of hand. I know…I have no right. I'm so sorry". _It just felt so good. I miss you. I miss…holding you_.

"Yeah…Well. We both screwed up…Cory was here already, asking if we get together to fuck".

"Oh man. What did you tell him?" _Oh Geeze, they all know_?

I said "Would I have left you like that last night, if we were?"

"So we're gonna say we don't? We were just pissed up?" _That might work_.

"Yeah. Well, my behaviour wasn't such a shock, no more than they expected of me, all pissed up. I _am_ the gay guy who isn't getting any. It was _you_ that kind of freaked them out, you being straight and all". He left that statement sitting on the table between them. He was so confused about what Darren was thinking, behaving like that, last night. Friends didn't behave like they had last night.

"I guess I have to figure out how to explain me being into you so hard".

"Yeah, I'd like to hear that too". _It makes me hope you want me as bad as I want you._

"I've been thinking a lot about that". G_od, why can't I stop thinking about that?_

Chris' phone tweetled again with the Bust Your Windows tone that meant it was Amber. 'whr r u? u r L8.' He checked the time on his phone. They were supposed to be in the lobby at 11.15 and it was now 11.20. He replied 'b thr 5 min'.

"We have to go now, Dare. They're waiting".

"I think it's character bleed. Blaine is gay, so maybe I've absorbed some of his feelings".

"You are _so_ full of shit, Darren!" Chris snarled at Darren. "Bi is closer to the truth; I think 'Method'ing Blaine gave your psyche permission to let bi-Darren out to play. You like being fucked waaay too much to have it be character bleed! It's that or you're a closet gay, in denial or something."

Darren looked askance at him and shook his head. "Geeze man, you're vicious with a hangover, aren't you?" Then he shrugged his shoulders and snorted. "But, if I'm honest, you _are_ right … 'Bi' it is. I don't think I'm a closet gay. I mean, I've never found any other guy even vaguely attractive, other than you, anyway." Darren still hadn't found a way to categorize himself and his feelings for Chris but if people wanted to call him Bisexual he didn't have a problem with that. Labels weren't important to him.

Chris gave him an exasperated look, as he grabbed his shoulder bag and Darren grabbed his duffle and they took the elevator down to the lobby.

They didn't realize until they arrived together how it would look. They all, of course, assumed that since they had last seen them leave together after they had been making out and then they had arrived together, that they had spent the night together too. It didn't help their image much. Cory knew better but he wasn't saying anything. They just kept right on walking, through the heckling and teasing, on to the bus that would take them to the airport and their private jet to the next city on their tour, San Jose. Once they arrived at the airport they were ushered by security to a private lounge to wait for departure.

They were on. He and Darren stepped to the front of the lounge and asked for their attention. It took a couple of minutes to get it since the gang wasn't expecting them to be serious about talking to them. Darren took center stage and started first. "Hi guys. I just wanted to apologize for our…my behaviour last night". His gaze running over them all stopped at Ashley who was glaring at him. He knew how she felt about Chris. There was a ripple of amusement through the rest of the gang and one of confusion from the Warblers. Apparently their escapade hadn't spread that far...yet. "It was totally inappropriate and I can only plead that I was totally pissed.

I think I do want to clear up a couple of misconceptions you might have about Chris and me, though. I have been trying Method acting to try to connect with Blaine better; I think I'm there". He smiled wryly and another chuckle went through the crowd.

"Actually, Chris and I have shared a few kisses, both in character and not, and I discovered I liked them. I thought it might have been character bleed from Blaine. You know, we shot that kiss scene for almost a whole day and it got more and more normal for me, I guess. It wasn't that big a leap for me from playing Blaine being attracted to Kurt to being Darren attracted to Chris. Chris thinks that maybe I've always been bi and the Method stuff just allowed me to let 'bi-Darren' out to play, as he puts it. Whatever way you want to explain it, yeah, I guess I did like making out with him.

I'm still coming to terms with that. Are we lovers? No we're not, not as of now. Maybe someday that might change. I don't know." He glanced to Chris who was watching him with a disconcerted look on his face. "But we would appreciate it if this information would stay private. We've learned our lesson and there will be no more overindulging in booze and PDA's". _That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be._

Darren stopped talking and looked to Chris, who stood up next. "Yeah, I want to apologize too about the way we behaved. There's no way I can justify that kind of behaviour, even if we were tanked. Should it ever happen again, please just …um, leave the room until I get me some," he leered at Darren who punched his shoulder and shook his head. Another ripple of laughter ran through the room as he sat back down. The Warblers had caught up and were on the same page; they seemed surprised at the news that Darren might be bisexual, but they knew if they wanted to continue to work for Glee, or anyone else in the business for that matter, they had better not leak anything not approved for publication. They all liked Darren and Chris anyway and it really didn't matter much to them, if Darren was bi or straight, anyway.

Cory had been watching Chris and Darren while they spoke. He stood up, considered a minute and said "You know, a few of us have been guilty of making out during parties or at people's homes. I'm not sure why you think this was any different. Ok, the fact that it was Darren with you kind of threw us at first, but really, I think we have evolved to the point where we're okay with you playing tonsil hockey with whomever, if you want to... And you know you want to, right dude?" He laughed his dirty joke cackle again while he fist bumped Chris' shoulder and sat down.

There was a general consensus with Cory's appraisal of the situation. They all agreed that it was not good form to make out in public, for anybody, but it wasn't a major transgression, just poor manners. Now, getting past that into an R rating was definitely seriously rude. They all agreed should that ever happen with any of them, that they would like a reminder from their friends.

Darren leaned over and whispered to Chris. "I'm pretty sure we were getting into seriously rude territory, weren't we?"

"I think they're trying to let us off lightly; they are our friends. And yeah, I think humping each other with them there was seriously rude…" They looked at each other with rueful looks on their faces, both of them recalling how incredible it had felt.


	11. Chapter 11 Another Day Older

**Chapter 11 Another Day Older**

The love and appreciation returned to them from the sea of Gleeks at the two San Jose shows, was as addictive as a drug. They were gaining confidence and the routines were becoming polished and tight. Some of the gang got together after the shows to dance or listen to some music and simply hang out; nobody got blasted. Darren came to some of these get-togethers, but spent most of his time with the Warbler guys he knew best. On the down side, his arm was so sore by the end of the two days he had to wear the sling again, and take ibuprofen every four hours. Then, they packed up the whole song and dance once again and took the buses to Anaheim for the next show.

The night of Chris' 21st birthday was a Friday and they were doing a show. He had looked forward for so long to this sign-post event in his life. He had had enough of being the kid with the baby face that got carded at every club and restaurant and feeling left behind by the older guys. He would be able to buy a drink if he wanted with a meal and purchase his own booze. Most importantly, he would consider himself a man. He was so _done_ with being a kid.

The gang had been asking him for the whole week what he wanted for his birthday and he said booze every time. It was a running joke really, but he did intend to party on his birthday with the cast and crew after the show was over. Not get ….'pissed' as Cory put it, but a little buzzed. He had checked with Ryan who had said that if he and Darren could keep it under control, they could go ahead and party. He called it Party Lite…

The gang took him out for an amazing meal on Thursday evening after rehearsal at the finest restaurant in town. Afterward, they went back to the hotel, since he _still_ couldn't get into a club and they had a few drinks and danced in his room. They left early, telling him he had to stock up with sleep for tomorrow, and he crashed by 11.00 pm.

The next morning he woke up with his usual 7.00 am wakeup call still feeling exhausted. The pain from his arm, the recurring dreams of the night he'd spent making love with Darren leaving him hot and edgy and the feeling that he was suffocating in his airless hotel room all conspired to ruin his night. He sighed as he got up to start his day and took his last two ibuprofen pills, leaving the bottle empty again.

He went to the bathroom and did his morning stuff and came out with a towel wrapped around his waist to get dressed….to discover there were no clothes in the closet. What the hell? Where had his clothes gone? He had unpacked the day before and at least half the hangers in the closet were filled with his pants folded over them and his shirts hung to lose the luggage wrinkles. He checked the drawers and there weren't any underwear, exercise pants, sleep pants, socks or T-shirts to be had either. He had been completely cleaned out; except for a pink skirt and blouse that he was pretty sure were Diana's hanging alone in the opened closet, the navy knit boxers he had worn to bed and the shoes left on the floor. Those…..jerks! Oh yeah, this was _really_ funny! They must have taken his key last night and cleaned him out while he was in the shower.

He got his phone and texted Kevin, who was usually the mastermind behind the practical jokes. Actually…it was usually _him, _he admitted…but Kevin was his second in command. This was payback for some of the shit he had done to them, for sure.

"WTF, bring em back!" he sent.

"Come and get em" was returned after only a second.

"U R FAH Bring em back NOW!"

"Happy Birthday We 3 you x 12!"

He winged the phone on to his bed in frustration and called them some very bad names. _Geeze, what the hell would they do to him if they didn't love him_?

He called the concierge and asked for some workout clothes to be delivered from the pro shop in the hotel. They told him they could have them there within half an hour and that it was going to cost him bucks. No, _not_ him; _those_ jerks were gonna pay for them! Almost immediately, a tap at the door raised his hopes that his clothes were being returned, but it was just room service with his breakfast. It was a little awkward answering the door in just his bath towel. He saw the man's eye light on the pink skirt and blouse hanging alone in the hallway closet and whip back to the table near the window. He set up the food on the tray and poured the coffee. Chris passed him a five dollar bill on his way out and he left, his face carefully blank.

He was due at rehearsal by 8.00 am and he was going to be late. He tried always to be a professional and, as much as he disliked getting up in the morning, he was usually on time. He drank his coffee and juice and ate his waffles and fruit, while the clock silently ticked and he fumed away the minutes.

Finally… another tap at the door revealed the store clerk with a bag. He had to answer the door again still in his bath towel. She was about 20 and had curly red hair and freckles and was just a wee bit plump. _Holy cow, it was Orphan Annie, and yeah, she recognized him._ She got quite an eyeful; there was a whole lot more of Chris on display than he was ever comfortable sharing in public. He knew he still had left over body issues from being a short, chunky geek in high school.

She stood with her mouth hanging open staring at the smoothly defined muscles in his shoulders and pecs, and the wisp of auburn hair running down his chest into the towel, while his flush spread from his face down onto his shoulders. He rolled his eyes upward, praying for patience, and thanked her politely for delivering the clothes. She still stood gawking, checking up and down his body. _Ooookay, this was getting really uncomfortable. _

He reached out his hand for the bag still hanging from her hand at her left side. She looked blankly at his hand and reached out her empty right one and took his. "Nice to meet you" he said, shaking it quickly. He finally reached down and took the bag from her left hand, explaining that his friends had absconded with all his clothes as a practical joke and apologized for answering the door as he was. She finally met his eyes, laughing self-consciously and saying "Not a problem, Mr. Colfer...You made my day".

She asked him quietly to sign the delivery slip and then turned and walked away down the hall with all the dignity she could muster. As he was closing the door, the acoustics in the hallway magnified her voice, muttering from down the hall. "Whoo hoo! Jumpin Jehosephat, that man is HOT!" Thanks Annie, he said quietly to himself and closed the door, smiling.

He removed the tags from the new clothes in the bag and dressed in the navy exercise pants with leaf green accents and a green shirt with navy striping down the sides of the chest and matching navy and green jacket. They fit well and looked…expensive, which was fair, since they had been pretty pricey. He refused to reuse the underwear from the previous day and he had no socks. He felt uncomfortably free without his jeans and boxers since he really wasn't a commando kind of guy. It was 8:35 by then and he needed to get to that rehearsal…and kill some people.

He heard the music booming before he entered the room. Darren and the guys were going through their Raise Your Glass number. The stages at each venue were slightly different and the choreography had to be adjusted accordingly. He watched them go through the routine, wheeling and turning together. They all turned and walked toward the back of the stage in one row and he admired the eleven denim and fleece-clad butts all retreating together. Mmmyeaah! Darren had on his favourite jeans that clung in all the right places… Oh Lord. He had better get his mind back on his own business, since his exercise pants were not hiding his appreciation of the view at all.

That was getting to be a problem. Another side effect of the pulled muscle in his right arm was his inability to relieve the pressure, so to speak. It had been more than a month since his night with Darren and those memories still haunted every night. He often woke remembering Darren's touch and the feel of his body against his, so aroused he couldn't sleep again. His days felt like he was constantly surrounded by beautiful young men, none of whom belonged to _him_. The end result was that without an almost daily release he ended up with an embarrassing situation several times a day and it was getting steadily worse. It was now a week since his injury and he was getting desperate. If his arm didn't recover soon, he was going to have to hire a blowjob from one of the many hookers that made it through security or he was gonna jump somebody.

He made his way backstage and blasted his bunch of snickering friends for taking his clothes. They just laughed their asses off at him when he asked when they were going to give them back. He cajoled. He bargained. He begged. He threatened. And then begged some more, but they still refused to return them.

The clothes he wore for the show were kept in the dressing room, maintained by their dressers and were _not_ available for his private use. They were stage props, essentially. He told them they owed him the $250.00 for the stuff he was wearing now. They just ignored him and wished him a Happy Birthday again. Sure. Yeah. Whatever. He kept trying to figure what their angle was; there had to be more to this than just payback. It was his _birthday_, for God's sake.

They all went back to work and went through each number figuring out the marks for the choreography and where things had to be adjusted. Those changes affected the lighting spots, the pyros, the locations of the cameras filming the Glee movie, the sound mics and on and on. Then they did another run through just to make sure it all flowed. Then they ran through anything again that still felt flakey. You did _not _want to find flakey in the middle of a show. When all were confident that it couldn't be made better, they were ready for the show tonight.

Throughout it all, he kept hoping they would let him know they were done with the joke. He wanted some clean underwear, dammit! He finally gave up on them and texted Darren to ask him if he could borrow some stuff. He couldn't go out for dinner in what he was wearing. Darren responded that he was welcome to whatever he wanted and they went back to his hotel room together.

He borrowed a shirt, black jeans, a belt, socks and a pair of boxers. The jeans were a touch too long on Darren and a little too big and short on him, but the belt would keep them up. He stacked the folded clothes and put them in one of the hotel laundry bags. He inhaled Darren's scent standing among his clothes and was suddenly assaulted with images of their sweaty bodies twined together. He closed his eyes and his breath caught as he inhaled again, not quite a sob and not quite a gasp, feeling his whole body electrified, instantly reacting to the memories.

Darren was near the window talking. All Chris could think of was that he had to get the hell out of there. Sometimes he could be near him but right now wasn't one of those times. Darren turned and looked up at him expectantly, waiting for a response to something he had said. He saw the pain on Chris' face, and instinctively went towards him. Chris backed away from him with his hand up, unable to talk, clutching the bag of clothes to his chest. He shook his head, mouthing "No", turned and left. Just when you thought it was getting easier, you get ambushed by something as stupid as the scent of his closet.

Darren had been asking Chris if they could get together some time to talk a little bit. He was so confused by his feelings and he wanted to see if maybe they could work something out. He missed whatever it was they had discovered that night they spent together so badly...

When he looked up Chris' face looked like someone had gut fisted him. _What? What's wrong, Babe?_ When he went toward him, Chris put up his hand and ran out the door_. I don't blame him for not wanting to talk to me about it. God, I've hurt him so badly._

Chris was supposed to meet the gang for an early dinner at the hotel restaurant in an hour but right now he didn't want to see anybody. Screw the birthday party; he felt like holing up in his room, lying in the dark and playing sad music.

He went to his room and discovered when he opened the door that his closet had been magically repopulated, but not with his own clothes. There were 6 shirts, 3 pants, 3 sweaters, 3 vests, 3 pairs of jeans and a light jacket...and the pink skirt and blouse were gone! They were all top designer brands, most of them represented in Kurt's wardrobe on Glee. He _knew_ what that stuff cost!

He checked the drawers and all the underwear, socks and lounge clothing had been replaced too, only now instead of 'Boutique Targe't', it was Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Alexander McQueen and other top designer names. The difference was that instead of the wild and weird stuff Kurt wore, this was more conservative and elegant, more Chris.

He really enjoyed wearing the less outré designer stuff as Kurt, and would have loved to own some of the pieces himself, but his thrifty soul had trouble paying $800.00 for a pair of jeans or $650.00 for a shirt. He did a quick mental math of the stuff in the closet. This had to represent close to 10,000 bucks! Holy Hell! This was just insane…sooo off the deep end. Those jerks _did_ love him.

He felt the fabric and the drape of the shirts and pants and then went to the drawer and unpackaged a pair of boxers. They were made of the softest knit fabric he had ever felt in his life and were a black on black subtle print. He felt like he should wear them on the outside of his clothes they were so beautiful and snorted at the picture in his head. _Well, the gang would be waiting for him, better get it in gear. Sure Chris, you're not shallow. Somebody gives you new clothes and poof you're ready to party, _he thought caustically. _He could always mope later_.

He had another quick shower and then chose a pair of black straight-leg jeans with just the right amount of stretch to cling but not bind or bag, with a light blue and grey tailored shirt and a silver grey vest with black trim.

The socks were black too, but nothing like the cotton ones he usually wore. They were lightly ribbed with a pattern of interlocked flags or diamonds or something up the ankle. He quickly blew his hair dry and put the clothes on. They made him feel like a like a million bucks and he had to admit he looked pretty good, as he turned around in the hallway with its facing mirrors and checked out his butt. Not bad at all, he nodded. He grabbed his wallet, phone and key and went downstairs.

They actually applauded when he made his entrance and he did a Kurt pirouette, showing off the new duds. They had saved him a seat and stood up to let him in. Darren sat quietly against the far wall, with his eyes tracking Chris' every move. He nodded his approval as Chris' eyes met his for just a second and then cut back to the rest of the group. He looked fucking fantastic, Darren thought.

"Okay, you're not total jerks", Chris admitted reluctantly. "But you _are _crazy; this is like waaay over the top guys".

"Don't give us all the credit, Chris. Ryan, Ian and Brad chipped in big-time and Lou too. This was actually her idea. We asked her what we could get for you and she ran with it. She knows what you like and she made sure it all fits. Maybe they all thought your wardrobe needed a makeover; I know we sure did. Are you _suuure_ you're gay?" Mark teased.

"Here, let me just double check" Heather leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss that seared his lips….and he kissed her back, with their tongues teasing. His body was actually responding to her and he was tightening his arms to hold her closer when she pulled back and smiled at him. The gang were all cheering and whistling at him. He blushed with embarrassment at his reaction. What the hell?

"Umm…That was not a gay guy kiss" she laughed. "Have you been punkin' us all this time?"

"No, just desperation" He acknowledged wryly as his flush kept spreading. _God, enough already with the blushing._

"Well, hey Honey, you want some of this?" She held her arms out, displaying her gorgeous body.

He laughed and said "Ask me again after the show. Once I get a couple of drinks in me I might just let you have your way with me". He was pretty sure she was just teasing. He was pretty sure he was just teasing too.

They all laughed. Darren looked down, staring intently at the drink he was stirring the ice in with his straw. He wished _he_ could have been the one to have kissed him, but he knew Chris was off limits until he figured out what he was going to do about the feelings he had for him. He _knew_ it was ridiculous to feel jealous of Heather kissing Chris, but he was…

The waitress came over to take their drink orders. Chris ordered a rum and diet Coke and waited for her to ask for his ID, and was disappointed when she didn't. They ordered their meals and while they waited they talked about their plans for after the show. They could _finally_ take Chris to a club with them. They had asked the concierge for locations nearby and were discussing their decision between two of them while Mark and Kevin left, ostensibly to use the bathroom, but actually to set up another gift for Chris. When they had all had finished their meals they were ready to take their limos over to the stadium.

Thousands of fans chanted Happy Birthday to him and several had brought bottles, and stuffed toys and other gifts for him that were passed forward to the stage and collected by the roadies. He had gotten a couple more bottles delivered before the show from fans too. All in all, there was gonna be a partayyy! The show went ahead and he gave his best performance, in thanks for the love that washed over him from the audience. This was the _best_ job in the world in so many ways.

Before he knew it, the show was wrapping up with the final number. They took their bows and went to change back into their street clothes. Then they had to run the gauntlet of fans that lined the path from backstage to the limos that waited outside. Security was doing a good job of keeping the path open so they were able to high-five the reaching hands, pose for a couple photos and sign a few autographs on their way out.

Then, Chris' sore arm was grabbed by a half-hysterical woman and he was being hauled bodily into the crowd when Darren came to his rescue, pulling him back to his side. He smiled at the lady, saying "Sorry Miss, he's taken" in character as Blaine and to himself, as Darren too. Darren stayed by his side and walked beside him, holding on to his arm. Chris could only think of the feel of his fingers through his sleeve, though his arm throbbed. The fans approved, chanting "Klaine, Klaine, Klaine".

They were last into the limo, piled high and scrunched together with the Warblers to make an even dozen in each car. Yikes! Squashed in with 10 other guys and Darren beside him, he prayed it would be a short ride. He was straddled between Jon's lap and Ryker's and Darren was straddled beside him from Ryker to Curt, Ryker complaining all the way about the two bony butts on his lap. Thank God, it only took 10 minutes to arrive and they unloaded like a cork popping out of a bottle.

He _was _carded on the way into the club but they let Darren in, no problem. As soon as the club realized they had Hollywood stars visiting, they stopped carding them and just let them all in. Good thing cause Ryker wasn't quite legal yet. They joined the rest of the gang dancing to the loud music. There were girls aplenty more than willing to dance with all of the guys, so he danced with a couple of them.

A young Hispanic guy came over and asked him to dance, so he danced with him too in the spirit of equality of the sexes he believed in. The guy had his shirt unbuttoned down almost to his navel and performed a sensual hip thrusting dance for him that made his gold chains jangle, but Chris was a little uncomfortable with the blatant sexuality of it. He preferred to dance with one of the gang since he knew _they_ weren't interested in getting into his new designer pants.

The DJ played 'Animal' in their honour, but the song held a different meaning to him now and he knew he couldn't dance to it. He excused himself and went to the washroom to wait it out till it was over. He found Darren there too they smiled as their eyes acknowledged that they both felt the same way. Darren said quietly to him as he leaned against the wall "I got you something for your birthday too, but I haven't had a chance yet to give it to you. Catch me later, OK?" He nodded back to him.

He did have a couple drinks there at the club, but danced enough that he didn't feel more than a slight buzz. The music was too loud to hear each other talk and he felt strangely let down by the experience he had been looking forward to for so long.

They stayed for a couple of hours till more and more fans put the word out and found them and then went back to the hotel to the reception room they had rented to continue the party in. When they got back, there were a few new faces in the crowd. Some of the single guys had brought back girls from the club and there was a handsome well-built brunet who seemed to be nearby wherever he turned. Kevin hooked up his IPod with a special birthday party playlist he had been working on, and everyone helped themselves at the self-serve bar.

There was a table set up with more gifts for him. They made him sit in a chair and open them. There were gifts of movies, games, books and discs. Darren gave him a gift bag that held a black leather monogrammed desk set with engraved pens and a matching pair of leather folders with a magnetized flap that had his initials, CPC across it in silver calligraphy. Darren smiled shyly and said "That's for your manuscripts". Chris braced himself and went over to give him a hug, whispering "Thank you, I love it", in his ear. They held on to the hug a little longer than necessary, Chris revelling once more in the feel of Darren's arms around him.

The music cranked up, the lights went down and it was party time. He had a double rum and coke, and danced again with all the girls, starting with Heather. After he had worked his way through the ladies, the tall brunet came over and asked him to dance. By then he was on his third double and he said "Sure, let's do it", as he led him to the dance floor. Tall, dark and handsome introduced himself as "Danny" and they boogied with all the other couples on the floor. Sometimes he followed Chris' moves and sometimes Chris followed his.

They danced three songs together and then a slow song came on and Danny casually moved in, wrapped one arm around him, held his hand and they danced with a few inches of space between them. _Hmm_ Chris thought to himself. _At least he's not pushing up against me and looking for a feel_. About this time most guys who wanted to dance with him revealed their motives; they wanted to get into his pants, invariably. Tonight, _he_ was the one who wanted to get into somebody's pants, and Danny was playing coy.

He felt the muscular shoulder under his hand and he breathed in his scent. He didn't think it was cologne; it was very faintly spicy, over laid with a warm male aroma that was doing things to him. After half the dance, they were still talking sporadically and comfortably. Chris thought "What the hell" and moved up close to Danny and wrapped his left arm around his shoulder and pulled in their hands close to their bodies. Danny smiled at him and held him close against his body and slowly swayed with him. He whispered "Mmm, you feel so good," and kept dancing.

Chris could feel Danny's dick half hard against his leg. No doubt Danny could feel his too, more than half hard against his. He nuzzled up close to Chris' neck and trailed his lips up his neck and against his ear. Chris shivered, closed his eyes, and realized his breathing was getting a little faster. He knew the pent up desire he was dealing with was the reason he was thinking to himself "_Oh god,_ _I'm about to jump this guy. Do I really wanna do this? He's probably a hooker…and I don't know where that dick has been. Where did he come from, anyway? Oh god, I could really _…" He tried to picture himself taking Danny back to his room and him lying in his bed… Oh _shit_, this wasn't gonna work; he still could only see Darren there.

He happened to be facing Darren when he looked over Danny's shoulder and saw him watching. Darren cocked his head and held up two fingers with a question in his eyes. Umhmmm. His rule number two, 'you should care about the people you sleep with'. Chris lifted his shoulders back at him smiling at Darren as he did a needy face. Darren chuckled and put both thumbs up, pointing at himself, and did a needy face too.

Chris turned his head away, considering, and then looked around to see if anyone was watching before he looked back to Darren. He put up his index finger indicating one time, and then pointed it at Darren with a question on his face. Darren nodded once, smirking wickedly, and put up _his_ index finger, hidden by his other elbow and subtly moved it up and down. Chris buried his face in Danny's shoulder to hide the thrilled smirk on his own face. _Oh yes, oh god yes, Darren_!

Danny took that as encouragement and started nibbling on his ear and kissing his neck. Chris backed away and met his eyes. He said "I'm sorry Danny, I can't do this. There's somebody else I'm in love with". Danny leaned back and looked into his eyes, resignation written on his face. "Are you sure, Hon? I _really_ would like to spend some time with you, but if you wanted, an hour or two would be enough". _Ding, ding, ding, hooker alert!_ "Thanks Danny, but I have to take a pass", he said gently. Danny pulled back a little, smiling sadly, and then kissed him on the lips. It was sweet and respectful and totally unexpected. There was genuine regret in his eyes when he slowly disengaged his arms and turned to walk to the door and then he left.

Chris walked over to the bar and got another double rum and coke, thinking about how he was going to make his escape from his birthday party. Mark slunk over beside him and said. "I thought you two seemed to hit it off pretty well. What happened?"

He turned and looked at Mark and, as he did, Kevin joined them at the bar. "He was working, wasn't he? Was Danny one of my Birthday presents too? That was stepping over the line, guys. If I wanna fuck somebody, I'll find them myself, OK?

"All right, Chris. Sorry… we didn't mean to piss you off. We just thought…well, where the hell are you gonna find somebody when you're stuck with us all the time?

He snorted and said "Do you realize I've turned down four guys just since we've been in San Jose? Maybe they weren't all hookers, some might have been fans. My point is that I _could_ if I wanted to. And I…don't…want…a…hooker. He poked Mark in the chest with each word to emphasize his words.

Darren still sat alone at the table, watching him. Chris walked over to join him. Darren smiled as he got closer and sat down. "Hi…I thought you might want to…take him back to your room. Changed your mind?"

"I know I would have regretted it. Thanks for reminding me…Am I wrong, to think that…you… might like to go back to my room? I thought…I thought you had decided not to go there again". He knew _he_ was ready to beg Darren to please, please, please, make love with him again.

"It's killing me to watch you with other people when you're all I can think about". Darren looked down at his drink, while he spoke and then looked up at Chris to gauge his reaction, all his feelings in his eyes.

"I've decided I have to fess up… to you, to myself and to everyone else. I don't know if I can promise you forever, but I know I'm in love with you now. I don't know how or why it happened, but I love you and I'm willing to deal with whatever I have to, to have you. I finally figured out it's so stupid to want what we found together back again, when you're right there in front of me and you want it too. If you're willing to risk being with me, I am begging you now to please, Chris, let _me_ be your everything."

Chris stared at him in shock. God, he hoped he wasn't dreaming and wouldn't wake up to the same misery he had lived for the last month or more. _He meant it, oh God, he meant it!_

Darren was still watching him hopefully, waiting to hear the words he needed to hear.

"You've been my everything for a while now, Darren" His hand rose by itself and took Darren's from the table. Darren answered his tentative smile with one of his own.

Naya's 'Songbird' was playing as they held each other's hands and Chris thought to himself, there's another perfect soundtrack moment. He said softly "Listen Darren, that song is for us."

SONGBIRD

Written by Fleetwood Mac, Sung by Naya Rivera (Glee Cast)

**.com/watch?v=7nnpphGXh4c**

**For you there'll be no more cryin'**

**For you the sun will be shinin'**

**And I feel that when I'm with you**

**It's all right, I know its right**

**To you I'll give the world**

**To you I'll never be cold**

**Cause I feel that when I'm with you**

**It's alright, I know its right,**

**And the songbirds are singin'**

**Like they know the score**

**And I love you, I love you, I love you**

**Like never before, Ohhohh, ohhahh**

**And I wish you all the love in the world**

**But most of all I wish it from myself**

**And the songbirds keep singin'**

**Like they know the score**

**And I love you, I love you, I love you**

**Like never before, like never before, like never before**

When the song ended Chris took a big breath and said cautiously, "Let's try being together for a while and we'll see how it works for us. I don't want to make it public yet. We'll just have to save it for when we're alone together for now or the media and the Klainers will go nuts; more nuts than they already are, I guess." He snorted. "I think we need some time together…to make sure…that you're sure." Chris proposed quietly. And that together time was going to start as soon as he could manage, he thought hungrily.

"I'm going to leave as soon as I can get away. Come to my room in half an hour. Number 1750"

A slow, eager smile spread over Darren's face and he nodded. "Be there soon, babe."

Chris smiled back at him with his eyes holding everything he wanted to say…and do. He was afraid once he started he wouldn't be able to stop, so he nodded to Darren in promise for now. He spared a glance around the room to discover nobody was paying them much obvious attention.

Chris rose from the table and within moments announced to everyone he was packing it in for the evening. It _was_ past one o'clock. He thanked them all for their birthday gifts and wishes and hugged and kissed the girls and then he hugged all the guys, too, with a special whisper of thanks for Darren. He grabbed some of his gifts and Mark and Kevin said they would deliver the rest to his room tomorrow. He reflected on his way to the elevator that though it had been an excellent birthday, the night after was shaping up to be even better. Really, could his life get any better?

Darren waited barely fifteen minutes until he stood up too and waved good night to the gang. He couldn't wait one moment longer…Mark and Cory tilted their heads at him with knowing smirks and said "Have a great night, Darren". They were all looking at him and grinning. Ok, maybe they had been watching them after all, but at this point he really couldn't give a damn.

"That's my plan, guys", he acknowledged with a grin on his face and left too.

Ashley high-fived Mark, Cory and Kevin, and went to get herself another drink.


	12. Chapter 12 Epilogue

**Discalimer: I do not own Glee, its characters or the personae of the real people I borrowed in this story.**

**I mean no disrespect to them. This story was written with love and admiration for them all.**

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><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Chris' skin and hair were still damp from the quick shower he had taken while he was waiting impatiently for Darren to tap softly on his door. When finally he heard Darren's muffled voice say "It's me, babe," he opened the door dressed only in a pair of cotton sleep pants to cut down on the time till he could feel Darren's skin against his once more. The door hadn't clicked closed yet before Darren put him against the wall with his hands holding his face, dropping kisses on his mouth, his eyes and his chin, and his hips pinning him against the wall. He needed to feel Chris with his hands, his mouth and his body.

He felt Chris pull his sweater up his back to his shoulders and making urgent sounds in his mouth to make him back up enough to pull it over his head, and still…with Chris' tongue probing Darren's mouth, there was no way Darren would relinquish him yet. Chris' mouth finally released him and he pulled the sweater off and dropped it. The tingling of their skin in response to hands caressing and teasing had been only a treasured memory for way too many lonely nights. God…it felt so good to feel each other again.

Chris followed the fingers he was trailing down Darren's shoulder with his mouth, tasting, nipping, wanting to feel his salty smoothness in his mouth again. Darren pulled him from the wall and began edging him backward toward the bed, his hands low on Chris' hips, still holding his mouth with his own. He was talking between kisses…he hoped he was anyway. He was trying to say "I love you, I need you, I want you" because his heart had been crying out those words to Chris for weeks when he was all alone in the dark … and now he could say them to him aloud. Such a sweet relief!

Chris felt Darren muttering into his mouth "love you…need you… want you…," and his heart felt like it was gonna burst from his chest. God, he had dreamed for so long to hear those words from the man he loved… and needed… and wanted. He worked feverishly at the button and zipper on Darren's jeans as they lurched disjointedly backward, careening off the walls and the TV cabinet. He let his hands slide down onto the warmth of Darren's shorts to caress and clutch his sweet ass.

Chris waited to feel the bed touch the back of his knees before he slid his hands farther down Darren's thighs and pushed away the jeans and boxers. A second later Darren's hands slid down Chris' hips to his thighs and with one motion grasped and whipped the sleep pants to the floor and toppled Chris into the bed. Darren kicked off his shoes and socks and pulled off his jeans before he leaned over Chris on the bed, having _finally _gotten to where he had desperately ached to be for so long. Once again he held his missing puzzle piece, and he was whole again.

This time it was Darren who lay carefully on top of Chris, enclosed in his arms and felt the body that held his beloved's soul against him. He looked into Chris' eyes and was shocked to see tears watering his beautiful blue eyes. "Hey, what's that?" he murmured as he wiped them with his thumb. Chris' face held so many emotions he couldn't read what he was feeling just now.

"It's ok, I'll be alright. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. God, I thought I might _never_ have this again with you. I'm kind of in an emotional overload right now… I love you so much." Chris whispered in a small voice. Darren nodded. He understood completely… he felt the same.

The next few hours they passed in alternating waves of heated passion, whispering words of cherished love to each other, their thrilled laughter floating into the night with notes of triumphant gratification and delight…until finally they subsided into exhausted sleep.

The alarm woke them three hours later to the disappointed realization that they would have to part and pretend to the world they were still only buddies and co-stars. They both resented having to give up what they had just rediscovered, even for a few hours. They talked again still wrapped around each other about saying the hell with it and just telling the world, but reluctantly agreed it would be just too difficult for now. They would _never_ be able to spend time together without the paparazzi and their rabid fans intruding.

Darren sighed and kissed Chris one last time before he slipped out the door and returned to his room shower and dress for the day and to pack up for their trip back to LA. They were supposed to have the day off later but Chris had already made plans to spend the day with his family to celebrate his birthday and Darren had a video conference set up for 2:00 pm with his Starkid group. Chris would call him when he was free and they would meet again …to appease their secret addiction to each other.

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><p>Breakfast was at 9:00 am in a private reception room prior to loading up in the bus to go back to LA. Chris wandered in about 9:10 looking a little tired but relaxed and joined the rest of the crowd already there. He smiled widely and said "Hey everybody. How're you all doing?" and went to help himself to breakfast.<p>

Darren appeared five minutes later and grinned a "Good morning, all" to the gang, receiving a chorus of "Mornings" and "Hi's" in turn with a few suspiciously big grins from Ashley, Kevin, Mark and Cory. Darren didn't meet Chris' eyes since he knew he couldn't keep a goofy smile off his face if he did. Cory waved them both over to their table and the two empty chairs evidently reserved for them.

Chris sat down with his plate of waffles and fruit beside Cory and smiled at all the grinning faces, nodding as he took a sip of his coffee. Darren took the last chair on Mark's left, across from Chris and set down his plate of eggs, bacon, toast and ham and melon wedges on the table before pulling out his chair and settling into it carefully with a satisfied air. Cory put his chin in his hands and grinned back at them both, and at the others who also looked pleased as hell about something.

"So what's up with you guys? You're all grinning like Cheshire cats." Darren said as he unfolded his napkin. He had a pretty good idea Chris and he weren't fooling any of them.

"I think I caught the grin from you guys. You both look a lot happier today than you have for …well, ages. Either of you want to talk about the elephant in the room?" Silence descended in the room as all eyes watched and waited for their answer.

Chris looked around at all his friends grinning back at him with pleased smiles and lifted an eyebrow at Darren. Darren looked back at Chris and gave his shoulders a shrug and then smiled as he spread the napkin in his lap. They both laughed and Chris began to eat his breakfast, still watching Darren. Darren nodded, took a big breath and sighed.

Mark laughed at them and said "So how long can you guys talk without talking? It's like you can read each other's minds."

Darren laughed too and said "Yeah, I guess when you love somebody this much you learn to tune in to them and speak the language of looove. Chris says I have to go first since I'm the guy with the, um… most to say."

Some of the gang were looking at each other in dawning comprehension. He _did_ just say…

"So, this is me saying it, to all of you…. I seem to have fallen in love with Chris. I am so _totally_ nuts about him…I'm like, crazy in love." He grinned at Chris, who acknowledged his declarations with an answering grin as he continued to calmly eat his waffles.

Darren started pretty much back at the beginning. "I started off a while ago by talking Chris into letting me Method-act Blaine's role cause I wanted to…um, understand a gay guy's point of view better. I wasn't happy with the way Blaine was relating to Kurt. It didn't feel…real." He laughed sardonically.

"So Chris and I spent some…ah…quality time together… and it scared the ever-lovin' crap out of me. I could _not_ believe the way I felt when we were together like that. It was like I had found a missing part of _myself_. I mean seriously, straight guys just don't feel like that about another guy, right? So, I told myself… and Chris, that I couldn't give him what he needed 'cause I wasn't gay…and then I ran as far and as fast as I could, even though he admitted to me he…loved me.

Actually, I'm sorry to say I told him we needed to stay buddies, since we worked together….But we were both so miserable…I couldn't shake the memories and the…addiction… I had developed for him. Then there was that opening night debacle you guys witnessed. God I just wanted him so bad that night and that was after I'd told him we had to be just friends. Talk about a hypocrite!"

"I've finally admitted to myself… and to him, that I just can't do without him…I feel like I'm not a whole person when I'm not with him. So yeah, we're together now. Our problem is the Klaine thing. Geeze guys, just think about what the paparazzi would do with this story…and the Klaine fans. Good god! So I am begging you all, please, we _need_ you to keep this between us. It has to stay on the down-low or our lives are gonna be a nightmare. After Glee has 'graduated us' and we aren't on TV every week, and the Klaineshippers have calmed down a little we'll gradually let people know we're a couple, but for now, unless we're alone or with you guys, we're just friends." He looked back to Chris who nodded in agreement, his eyes alight with love as he watched Darren.

Chris put his fork down too as he looked back at all his friends who really _had _become his family too, listening to and watching them so closely. He looked down to his plate and began quietly. "I think I've probably been kind of in love with Darren almost from the beginning. I thought he was freakin amazing in those Harry Potter musicals and when Ryan told me he was gonna cast him as Kurt's mentor and possible love interest I just about flipped." He chuckled and so did the whole gang. They had _always_ known that Chris was crushing on Darren from the excitement he couldn't contain about him when the announcement was made.

"Then we met and started working together, and I thought, Hey, I can be cool and just be his friend. I mean like, you guys are all my friends, right? But, as we worked together more and more and the Blaine and Kurt romance arc started developing, I kind of got all caught up in that too. I could feel it getting stronger…every day.

The clincher was that kiss… Holy hell, it was almost a whole freakin day of kissing, all 18 takes" He laughed and Darren and he met their eyes. You could almost see the sparks flying between them. "God, I was so…messed up at the end of that day I had to…well, never mind. I was a mess, ok?" They all laughed and Chris blushed yet again.

"So then he comes to me and asks me to help him Method act as Blaine. 'Let's just hang out and we'll act like a couple', he says. Holy shit, I am _freaking_ _out_, but then I'm thinking, Ok the guy is asking for my help…and maybe I can get a little action out of it." He laughed again amid the chuckles of the whole gang and Darren too. "Alright, that was just me being pathetically optimistic. You guys _know_ it's like a freakin desert around here for a gay guy. Pretty ironic when you know this is the gayest show on TV.

And _THEN_…he says to me…'Yeah, I need to understand better what it's like being gay so I can project Blaine sincerely. Can we maybe sleep together'?" It was Darren's turn to blush this time, looking down at his eggs and toast with a little grin sneaking on to his face as he continued to eat and there were whistles and hoots, applauding Darren's devotion to his role.

"...God, I damned near had a coronary. But believe it or not, I said 'yes'" More laughter. Ashley was shaking her head at him and snickering, recalling his dilemma. "So seriously guys…it turned out to be kind of….amazing. I mean, Darren had never …um...done anything more than kiss a guy before then...and that would be me. But, we kind of…clicked. It wasn't just the…ah, sex, even though _that_ was…whoo!...holy-shit, wow, fantastic…um… What is it Darren? " Darren looked back at Chris with his eyes sending Chris a message that made them _all_ blush. "Supermegaawesomefoxyhot", he said softly to Chris. Chris looked back at him. "Yeah… that's it." …and sent him the message back. As far as they were concerned just then, they were the only ones here.

After a moment Chris came back to them and went on. "We talked for hours and we laughed about…oh all kinds of stuff, and we sang together and…we… I don't know…it was like we had figured out how to sync to each other. Man, I was _so_ far gone over him by then… and I knew it.

But Darren was only there to Method act as Blaine. So he understandably freaked when he found out how I felt about him. He thought he would hurt me less by backing off and going back to being friends, but oh man, I was in… way too deep." Chris continued to look at Darren, with an intensity that made everyone else hold their breath.

"The next month was…oh lord, it was excruciating! Thank god, Darren wasn't in a lot of scenes with me, except for that Prom episode. But man…I've _never_ acted like I had to act then. Like I wasn't dying inside every time I saw him….What I didn't know was…_he_ felt the same way." Darren watched Chris, smiling tremulously.

"But I guess he was having a little trouble processing his feelings about me. I mean, I'm a guy, right? I'm his friend and cast mate. So what the fuck _was_ this? He's straight, and he couldn't deal with feeling like that about another guy. It took a whole lot of booze to get him back into my arms, but then it was like we were magnets, on opening night. Unless we make a conscious effort to keep away from each other, we just kind of…fit together."

"So, he's finally decided to give in to the inevitable and ... we're gonna see how we work together for now. You guys are our friends and we know you want us to be happy. So for now, I think we have to fly under the radar…or the gaydar. Hahmm! We'd really appreciate your help keeping this quiet." He laughed at his own corny joke and picked up his fork again to finish his waffle. Darren raised his hand and swiped at him, as he laughed along too.

Mark sat back and considered their announcement. "Huh! You mean you really didn't have any idea you were gay until now?" he asked Darren.

Darren looked at Chris, who shrugged at him. Darren said quietly as he looked back to Mark, "I still don't think I _am_ gay." Mark tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in disbelief as Darren continued. "Gay, to me, means you like guys in general and women don't do it for you. Well, that's _not_ me. I mean, it's not like any_ other_ guys are appealing to me. And I still think women are…well, beautiful. The _only_ guy I have the hots for is him." He leered at Chris who blushed…again. He couldn't help the answering desire on his face as Darren continued to look at him as if he was going to burst into flames, even though they had just spent the night trying to damp down that fire.

"Even bisexual to me, means you like both sexes, right? And, I don't. I kind of think it has more to do with _who_ he is than his…um…equipment, although the equipment is very nice too." Darren waggled his eyebrows as he continued to leer at Chris. Chris' eyebrows did that 'what-the-hell' thing as he tilted his head and smiled back in embarrassed amusement. "The bottom line here is, I don't know how or why or _what_ the hell happened. I just know it did, so I gotta go with it. I don't care what you want to call _me_. Gay, bi, curious, confused, whatever. Maybe I'm gonna say I'm straight with maybe a little bit of a kink. What do you think, Dweeble?" Darren said with a smirk.

"I think you'd be better off keeping your mouth shut than going around telling people you have a kink. That's for you and me to explore, and everybody else can just keep guessing." Chris smirked back at him, bemusing the friends they had just blown away with their announcement.

Amber and Ashley got up and gave Chris and Darren each a hug and wished them all the best, followed by the rest of the gang. They all agreed they would cover for them anytime they needed it. There's nothing like two of your best friends in love with each other to make you happy. Ashley had tears in her eyes as she whispered to Chris. "Sooo happy for you, Boo."

For the rest of the tour Darren spent most nights with Chris either in Chris' room or his own. Darren learned that he could take Chris apart atom by atom until he exploded in a shower of sparks. And then they would hold each other until he was whole again. He delighted in exploring all the various ways he could accomplish that. Chris was a new musical instrument he was learning to play melodies on…and he surely loved to make him produce a symphony of amazing sounds.

He also learned that Chris could easily turn _him_ into a quivering bundle of need within moments, and then he would… eventually… bring him to a mind-blowing release…and then he'd do it again…and again until he had to beg for mercy.

They became seriously sleep deprived as they made love, and laughed, and sang and talked endlessly together, until they finally learned they had to take naps in the afternoons to survive. During their days off they often went their own ways, Darren usually with the four original Warblers on the tour and Chris with his BFF Ashley or some of the others, to keep suspicion to a minimum. Or they just slept.

The only time their day and night worlds collided was during those Klaine skits. They couldn't resist teasing each other and tried constantly to make the other crack up and break character… but they knew each other so well by now they could usually tell when there was something up their sleeve.

Darren finally and unequivocally won their contest on the last day of their tour when he kissed Chris in front of the whole world in Dublin. What a risk to take! Chris had started to melt and only _just_ kept his arms from wrapping around him and showing the whole world how he felt about him. The shit.

Darren just couldn't help hinting at their real relationship. He actually said in a Glee 3D Movie interview, "**I planted one so hard on Chris' face… I was consumed by my love for Chris Colfer and I just couldn't hold it (in) any longer." **They could get away with saying this stuff 'cause saying it publicly made everyone believe they were only kidding. It truly _was_ genius 'cause it diffused any rumours about them. Mark momentarily forgot they were supposed to be just friends and said** "If you guys get married you KNOW what his name will be, right?" **and then could see the realization that he had said too much come over Mark's face as soon as he said it. Chris and he had actually already laughingly discussed it and decided Chris would keep his own name and Darren would be Darren Colfer-Criss, but that they would only marry if they decided they wanted to have kids. There was no rush. They were both still young.

The gang kept up their bargain and didn't breathe a word about them to anyone. The only other people they told the truth about how they really felt about each other were Chris' and Darren's families...and Ryan… Until then he was still under the impression they had stayed estranged and were back to being only cast-mates.

Thank god Darren had already signed his contract by the time they did tell Ryan 'cause he was bloody annoyed at them both. He had been burned by cast hook-ups too often before and figured that it was only a matter of time till shit happened and he would have to deal with their heartbroken hysterics on the set. He was at them constantly about stepping back from their relationship and putting the rest of the cast and the show ahead of their own selfish desires. Not… gonna…happen, Ryan, they assured him. They figured he'd get over it eventually as they proved to everybody they were in this for the long term. Time would tell. You just never knew what Ryan would do though…He _was_ the original divo and hated being crossed.

It all blew up when Ryan announced that Chris, Lea and Cory would _not_ be on Glee for a fourth season in an interview, and that a possible New York spin off would not go ahead with them either. Chris was gobsmacked that he would be that vindictive about their relationship. It seriously wasn't fair to take it out on Lea and Cory either. Chris and Darren decided that they would be fine with not being part of the Glee machine any more. It left them free to be together and Chris and he both had lots of other possibilities in the pipe.

Then Ryan had to backtrack when the network leaned on him. They weren't going to let Ryan's tantrums subtract from their bottom line and let him fire some of their top money makers. Ryan _did_ insist on waiting till the fall before he went ahead with the spin off development. He wanted to be sure Darren and Chris were still partners in every sense before he was gonna write a part for Darren. Darren had also received a Broadway show offer for the three weeks during the winter hiatus that Chris convinced him he should accept. Who knew, maybe they would both end up in New York anyway.

Chris was going to be shooting…and playing the lead… in the movie he had written and been setting up production on all winter, called 'Struck by Lightning'. Darren had appearances set up and development meetings for the new Starkid show for the three weeks after the tour ended that they would be apart. The 3D Movie detailing _most_ of the tour excitement was going to be released any day now. Their separate lives would go on, but enriched by the knowledge that they shared each other's hearts, their missing puzzle pieces.

Life was a ride and you had to decide whether you were gonna go along or get off and sit on the sidelines. Darren and Chris decided they were gonna ride this puppy for as long as they could, holding on tight to each other all the way.

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><p><strong>AN #1 The basis for this story:** This is how I feel. I don't think it is necessary to label people's sexual preferences, except in a very general way. If you're straight and occasionally you are attracted to someone of the same sex that doesn't necessarily make you gay. And if you normally are attracted to people the same sex as yours, but occasionally look at someone of the opposite sex and go "Hmm, maybe, under the right circumstances", that doesn't make you bisexual.

What if you meet the person who is exactly right to be _your_ everything, but they aren't in the package you would normally be attracted to, would you just write them off? Sure, maybe they could be your best friend instead. But it is our souls that connect when we fall in love and our bodies that are sexually attracted to other people. Maybe if our souls really aren't necessarily male or female, you can love someone in whatever way their physical body provides. It would be such a shame to miss that rare gift of connecting with your soul mate because they don't fit the criteria you have set out.

A/N: #2 Chris Colfer has said a few times that he is a llama, not quite this and not quite that. (*see excerpt below) But where do you find a soul mate when you're so different from everyone else? When you're an artistic renaissance man, who is not only a Golden Globe actor, a singer with a voice capable of feats few can match, and also a writer with a wicked witty intelligence, but he does it _all_ better than most? When he's sequestered away from anyone that might _be_ his everything but they can't get through the security he needs to protect himself from creeps and homophobes? I think this is why we fic writers want so badly for Darren to somehow become his 'everything' guy. He comes so close to matching Chris' talents and interests…and I think he might be capable of loving someone of either sex too. Anyway my deepest hope is that Chris someday soon finds a soul mate and they find a lifetime of happiness together creating entertainment for us all.

(*) "Like, where does a llama go?" Chris mused in an interview. "It's not a horse. It's kind of like a camel, but it's not a goat. It's just on the farm, and people point and gawk at it because it has funky hair. That's how I've always pictured myself. The llama tries to hang out with a duck and the duck freaks out and runs away. The cows are mean to it. That's what it was like for me in high school.


End file.
